Coming together - the nature of true love

Text Song of Songs 2:3-17 Date16/02/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist

We have begun to look at the Song of Solomon and I've suggested to you that the proper way to understand it is on both a horizontal and human level and a vertical and spiritual level. It has a great deal to teach us all about both human relationships, especially between man and wife, and about intimacy with God himself through the Lord Jesus Christ. We've begun looking at it then in these two ways. We have looked at Chapter 1 where we considered

1. What people rightly desire and why. What people rightly desire is intimacy. They desire this because they find objects worthy of their desire – supremely in Jesus Christ.

2. How people should see themselves and what they should desire. There should be a mixture of humility and confidence as we live in a fallen world. It is right to desire intimacy. 

3. The model of kingly courtship here on both the human and spiritual levels.

4. The model of submissive devotion here on both the human and spiritual levels.

5. The model of royal fellowship here noting the interplay of praise and response, fellowship and freedom and realisation and further praise.

This week I want us to look at Chapter 2 on similar lines. Once again the verses are full of sensual imagery. We need not only to see what is described – trees, fruit, gazelles, hills, banqueting halls, rocks, etc but hear and smell them too – foxes, doves, lilies, grapes, etc.

1. Realise that true love is full of desire but must also be patient

1. True love holds its object in high esteem and longs for the benefits of intimacy

In verses 3-13 the woman speaks again. She begins by saying Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. An apple tree (it may be some other fruit tree) gives delicious fruit and restful shade and so stands out among the trees of a forest. This is the image she chooses to describe her beloved. It is an interesting parallel with what he has just said of her. In true love the lovers must see each other as unique. She adds I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. To be in the presence of her beloved is pure delight – it is both pleasant and restful and edifying. Do you hold the one you love in high esteem? Is your husband/wife or intended husband/wife someone you esteem? Do you long for intimacy with him? Are you happy to be in his shade, as it were? Are you eager for the fruit he can offer? That is how it should be between man and wife or prospective man and wife. Do you also hold Christ in high esteem? Do you see that he is unique? Do you think of him as being like an apple tree compared with other trees? Do you long for intimacy with him? Do you long to rest in him and enjoy the fruit of the Spirit that he alone can give? He can protect you from harm and feed you like no other. Go to him always.

2. True love looks forward to that intimacy

In verses 4-6 the beloved expresses her longings for intimacy as she looks forward to that coming point in her relationship with her beloved. She looks forward to such intimacy With confidence. 4 Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. This has become a famous verse in more recent years but what does it mean? At Jewish weddings bride and groom are usually married under a canopy and that may be the reference. In days gone by actual banners were used especially in battle. A regiment’s colours, an army’s standard was used as a rallying point for troops, being easy to see form far away. Here she envisages the king taking her into his banquet hall with a banner at the head of the procession proclaiming their love. This is a very public thing then, very open. She is confident that is how it is and how it will be. A love affair should almost always be a public thing. More often than not if it is kept secret then it is because there is something illicit about it or there is a problem on one side or the other. Obviously something may begin secretly and there is need for discretion and decorum but it should not continue like that for any length of time. We can say this about both human love and love to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you love someone you should be confident that they will own up to it too. If there is a fear that he or she would deny it if asked to own it then that relationship is not going anywhere and is better abandoned. Similarly, there ought to be an openness about love to Christ. He certainly shows no shame in owning the names of those who follow him. Though they are nothing but poor country girls, as it were, he welcomes them to his banqueting house. His love for them is evident to all. The banqueting image itself is also very rich, especially when we think of Christ. To become a Christian is to enter Christ’s banqueting house under his banner of love. What rich delights are here. With yearning. In verse 5 she says Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. It is a common enough phenomenon when a person falls in love for them to be unable to eat or to grow faint with love, lovesick as we say – the emotional turmoil has a physical effect on them. The Shulamite cannot take much more and asks for fruit (or food of some sort) to eat to sustain her. Now you may have known something of this on the human level but what about yearnings for Christ? Have you ever longed for him like that? Have you ever been almost ill in your desperation to meet with Christ? Why are our longings and yearnings for him not greater? Think of David in the psalms. 42:1, 2 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 84:1, 2 How lovely is your dwelling-place, O LORD Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. That is how we should long for God. With longing. In verse 6 she describes lying down with her beloved so that His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. This is probably before they marry and she is longing for this moment rather than describing what has already happened. She longs for intimacy with her beloved. She longs for his support. On the human level it is right that there is confidence, yearning and longing for intimacy. There is something wrong if those feelings are absent. They need to be handled carefully but they should be there. On the spiritual level, there also ought to be confidence, yearning and longing for intimacy. Do we longer to draw nearer and nearer to Christ? Do we pray Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord to the place where thou hast died Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord to thy precious bleeding side? We ought to.

3. However, true love must always show great patience

But then in verse 7 we have the balance. The beloved turns to the daughters of Jerusalem and she issues a warning note. Daughters of Jerusalem, she says I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: (it is not clear what this oath means although the reference to female deer matches others to male ones and so are appropriate images of patience) Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. When we talk about such feelings we must always be very careful. We all have these feelings to a greater or lesser extent. We have these desires and needs. Now the world argues that if it feels good you should do it. It urges us to go with our feelings regardless of any other considerations. That is a recipe for disaster. There are great problems with attempting to go down that road. We are sinners and it is the easiest thing in the world for such feelings to become impure and improper and lead us far astray. Further there is the whole matter of timing. In any relationship there are obviously two people and therefore there is a need for co-ordination. Even the simplest thing like walking down a road holding someone’s hand or sharing an umbrella is not as easy as you might think. The whole process of becoming one – living under the same roof, sharing the same bed – is a major undertaking. You cannot assume that any person who happens to take your fancy can become your husband or wife just like that. People who live with that belief are bound to run into trouble and heartbreak. No, it is important that we take care not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Love is a very tender plant and needs to be allowed to develop at its own pace. When people try to hurry love it’s a bit like the little boy who decided to help the butterfly out of the chrysalis – it doesn’t work. Even the world has some idea of this. Back in the sixties the Supremes sang a song where a woman bewails her loneliness and longing for love in these terms

How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart to break?
No, I cant bear to live my life alone, I grow impatient for a love to call my own, etc.

It then adds

But when I feel that I, I can’t go on, Well these precious words keep me hanging on I remember mama said ‘You can’t hurry love No you’ll just have to wait’ She said ‘love don’t come easy It’s a game of give and take.’

She sounds like a wise mother whoever she was. Children must be allowed to be children. Great pressures are on them to grow up too quickly these days. Children, don’t be unduly anxious about who you will marry and similar questions. There will be plenty of time to think about those things. Are you unmarried but you would like to be married? Be patient. Wait. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desire. You may never marry. Bear that possibility in mind. Are you married? You know that you need to be patient too – in a different way, of course, but if there is no patience, if there is no waiting until the right moment, then that will lead to frustration and pain too. Are you a believer? We all need to be patient too. We are living in the ‘Now and the not yet’ period. Like young unmarried lovers we've already met with Christ. We know him and walk with him. However we are waiting for the wedding day. We await the day of his return – the consummation of all things. Until then we need patience. We need to be quiet and submissive as we long for his return.

2. Recognise that for true lovers there is nothing better than to be with each other

In verses 8-13 the beloved continues to speak. She describes the coming of her lover and how he speaks to her. Again it is full of instruction both on the horizontal and vertical levels.

1. Consider how a true lover comes to his beloved. 8, 9 Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. She imagines him coming to visit her. It works on two levels. Literally, he bounds across the hills, probably on horse back. He then knocks at her door, eager to gain admittance. Beyond that is an even more intimate picture of him becoming very physically intimate with her. The keynotes here, however, are enthusiasm, eagerness, excitement, interest. Is that how you come to your beloved? From first to last in a relationship that eagerness and keenness should remain. Obviously it shows itself in a more obvious way at first but it should never be lost. This is how the Lord Jesus comes to his people. Too often we come to him sluggish and slow, lacking in motivation. But not him. He bounds over the hills that stand between us. They seem to us to bar the way but he bounds over them and comes to us. He stands at the door and knocks longing to be admitted. He peers into our very souls, so eager is he for intimacy. What a lover he is. How slow we are to appreciate him and desire him. Our views of him are often obscured and distorted but these verses assure us that he is most eager to meet with us.

2. Consider how a true lover speaks to his beloved. Then in verses 10-13 the lover speaks. What beautiful poetry he pours forth. My beloved spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. This is the burden of his message. He speaks to his beautiful one. She has been indoors too long. The winter weather has kept her inside. He takes hold of her, lifts her up and takes her outside with him. See! he says The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig-tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me. It’s springtime! Spring has sprung. Look at the flowers. Listen to the birds singing. See the fruit on the trees and feel the warmth of the sunshine. It’s not hard for us to think about such things at the moment as it is all happening around us. In the minds of poets Spring has long had an association with falling in love. Falling in love is sometimes referred to as spring fever. It is the time of year when young men often wake up to realise that there are beautiful young women about. All through the winter they had hardly noticed them but now in the sunshine they seem to be blossoming like the trees. The connection between spring and love is the idea of freshness and beauty, liveliness and colour. When two people are in love, whether it is winter or summer there is spring in the air – everything is alive and bright. Have you heard the voice of Jesus coming to you like that in his Word? Arise, my darling, he says my beautiful one, and come with me. He can banish the dolefulness and drudgery of winter. He can bring life and vigour and hope and joy into your life if you will simply let him take your hand. He does that for the unbeliever when such a person comes to trust in him for the first time. He does it again and again when he renews and refreshes those who are in him. He makes everything new. Oh look to him and be renewed.

3. Consider these four characteristics of true love

The last four verses of Chapter 2 seem to be spoken by the man and then the woman. Their words bring out four basic characteristics of true love.

1. The desire to see and hear your beloved.

In verse 14 the Lover says My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding-places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. The image is of a rock pigeon hiding in the clefts of a rock or hill. The Lover imagines his beloved is one of these creatures. He wants to find her. He wants to see her and to hear her. He loves the sound of her voice which is so sweet to his ear and he loves the look of her face which is so lovely. Now this may seem a little obvious but in true love the lovers like both to look at each other and to hear each other’s voices. Sometimes an irrational fear will come over a single Christian – what if the Lord wants me to marry someone I don’t like the look of or whose voice I can’t stand. No, when the Lord calls two people to marry he expects them to like the way they look and sound to each other. These are not the only factors, of course, but they are important. If you are going to spend 40 or 50 years with a person it is best that you find them pleasant to look at and sweet to listen to. God has so made us that we all have different faces and different voices. Some are more obviously beautiful than others but beauty is in the eye of the beholder as we say. Of course, the beauty of a voice or face can be lost. There is a warning in Proverbs 21:9 (25:24) Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. On a more spiritual level we see here that the Lord loves to see us and hear us. Here is an encouragement to come to him and worship him and especially to pray to him. It's hard to imagine how the Lord can have any delight in hearing us but we know how delightful it is to see and hear a small child asking questions and talking to us and perhaps we should think of it something like that. More appropriately here there is the way ‘sweet nothings’ can be spoken in a lover’s ear and give great joy. I remember my courting days running up huge bills on the 'phone to Aber. What did we talk about for so long? Nothing really. Just to talk was enough. If only we had the same sort of desire for prayer and worship.

2. A determination to deal with anything that would mar the relationship. Then in verse 15 there is a warning note. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. The vineyards are the lovers themselves. It is Spring and the vineyards are in bloom. It is a happy time but what if the foxes, especially the little ones, get in to the vineyards and start eating the grapes? They must be dealt with. The lover doesn’t say ‘I’ll catch them’ but he instructs his beloved Catch for us the foxes …. You deal with them for both our sakes. Or perhaps ‘Let us catch …’. These foxes symbolise the various, sometimes quite little things that can get in and play havoc with a fruitful relationship. We can think of the little foxes of jealousy and lack of self-control and selfishness and mistrust and pride and lack of willingness to forgive. Such little foxes need to be caught before they do damage. I was walking through the park late at night recently when I saw a little fox. It’s a bit unnerving. You assume they’ll run away like a cat but you think what if he comes at me? Catching a fox is not easy. They have sharp teeth. We need to be careful. Such foxes need to be dealt with, however. It's no good saying ‘Oh it is only a little one’. Little foxes grow into big ones and even little ones can do much damage. Hunt them down. Kill them before they kill you.

3. Mutual love. Here is another famous verse 16 My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. It is very simple. There is a mutual love here. He loves me and I love him. I belong to him and he belongs to me. In a love which cannot cease, I am his and he is mine. Even when her beloved is away from her he is browsing among lilies. He is strong and manly yet surrounded by beauty. Perhaps we should see him here as a stag or a gazelle again but this time not bounding toward her but grazing. Where there is real love its pace varies – there are times of great passion and times of calm and quiet reflection. Do you have that confident love toward Christ? It is a great prize, one we ought to covet.

4. A longing for even greater intimacy. Finally, she looks forward again to the day of consummation. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, she says turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills. Here she imagines her beloved as a gazelle or a young stag again and him coming to her. Now he browses among the lilies but soon he'll come for her. She looks forward to it. This is how husband and wife should think of one another when they are apart. This is how young lovers should look forward to their wedding day. This is how believers should look forward to Christ's return. Are we looking forward like that? Are we longing for the glorious day of betrothal?

Models of care, devotion and fellowship for you to consider

Text Song of Songs 1:9-2.2 Date 09/02/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist

We've begun to look at The Song of Solomon. By way of introduction we said that there is something of a controversy over the book’s interpretation. Does it speak chiefly of human love or that between Christ and his church? In the light of the New Testament we suggest that it is really about both - the important matter of human love, especially between man and wife and the mysterious intimacy that exists and needs to be cultivated between believers and the Lord Jesus.

It is for both these reasons that I want us to study the book. Because of the false images of love, sex and marriage that abound, all of us need to be clear on this subject. I also want all of you to see how lovely the Lord is, how attractive. I want you to fall for him and before him. I want us who believe to rekindle our first love for him if it needs rekindling. I want us to see something of the beauty and glory of Christ again and be drawn to him. This book will be an immense help.

So far we have looked at 1:1-8. The title reveals that the book is by or about Solomon. Being a song it is pleasant, joyful and useful for learning. ‘Song of songs’ means best of songs. It’s not only Solomon's best but inspired Scripture worthy of careful, diligent study. It has the best subject: Christ

The song is constructed with two main characters and a sort of chorus. The woman, the Shulamite, and the man, King Solomon, her beloved. From time to time we also have comments from the Friends, the daughters of Jerusalem. There is sometimes doubt but from the way the Hebrew is constructed it is usually easy to tell if the person speaking is male or female. 1:1-8 taught us:

1. What people rightly desire and why - The woman rightly desires intimacy with the man and rightly desires him to take the lead in this. This points us to the one we should all desire – Jesus. Why do people rightly desire intimacy? They rightly desire the delights of love with those whose character is worthy. That's why we should all desire intimacy with Christ. When we see such desires in others we should encourage them.

2. How people should see themselves and what they should desire. We saw the right mixture of humility and confidence in the woman. She is as she is because this is a fallen world. What she desires is intimacy with the man without shame or loss of respect. We should advise those with such desires by encouraging them to seek the one they love.

This week I want us to look at 1:9-2:2. Here we see models of care, devotion and fellowship.

The word 'model' can be defined in at least two ways. Potentially unflattering - ‘imitation of the real thing; a replica, imitation or reproduction’. It can also be defined as ‘a pattern for others to emulate, a prototype or paradigm’. This is the meaning we have in mind. Here we are presented with models, examples, ideals, for emulation and duplication on the horizontal, human plane and the vertical, Godward one.

Initially, in 1:9-11, the Lover, the King, speaks for the first time about the woman, his Beloved. He describes her in very positive terms. Then, in 1:12-14, she responds. She seems to be at the King’s dining table. A banquet is in progress. Perhaps this is the time of their formal betrothal or maybe a less formal, more intimate occasion. Whichever, she has eyes only for him. Finally (1:15-2:2) we have a delightful series of brief exchanges between the two.

Here are three models for us to consider then.

1. Consider this model of kingly care

1:9 the lover, the king, speaks for the first time. He speaks about the woman, the beloved, and describes her in the most positive terms.

1. Praise - My darling he calls her, ‘My love’ or ‘My dearest’, a strong term that occurs here for the first of nine times, always on the King's lips. It is only found in this book. It carries the idea not only of caring for someone but also being delighted to do so. The King loves this woman. She's his Beloved. His attitude to her is quite unlike that of her brothers. 1:9 I liken you, my darling, he says to a mare among Pharaoh's chariot horses. This could mean a horse pulling Pharaoh’s chariot or one bought from Pharaoh to pull Solomon’s own chariot. This may seem an odd way to speak about a woman, likening her to a horse, although men used to speak of women as fine fillies.

Helen of Troy was once described in this way and in 1969 the Byrds had a song ‘Chestnut mare’ ostensibly about a horse but clearly about a woman (I’m gonna catch that horse if I can and give her my brand, and when I do she’ll be mine for life, she’ll be just like my wife). What is the exact point of comparison here? Several possibilities come to mind. They were

high-quality thoroughbreds.

very expensive to obtain or maintain.

of personal interest to the king.

the King’s delight.

wild by nature but had been tamed as in the chestnut mare song.

Some suggest either that mares were not used for chariots or that the lead horse was a mare. This would point to the uniqueness of this woman in the king’s eyes.

Probably the point is the careful way such handsome horses were elaborately decked out with beautiful jewels, feathers, ornaments, coloured leathers and fabrics. This speaks of this girl’s innate beauty, supplemented by finely crafted jewellery and other accessories. The Bible is often positive about women’s adornment (eg Gen 24:22; Ps 45:12, 13; Pro 25:12, 31:12; Eze 16:10-14) but urges caution (Isa 3:16-24; 1 Tim 2:9, 10; 1 Pet 3:3-5). She is beautiful and dignified. As intimated, this poor girl is conscious of how unworthy she is to come into court. She is lovely, yes, but dark like the tents of Kedar. Do not stare at me she pleads because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun … my own vineyard I have neglected. Here the King heartens her with compliments. Certainly 1:10, 11 go on with him saying Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. And then in 1:11 we have -

2. Promises - We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. We could point to the friends but it is probably the king using a royal we for some reason. Whichever, the point is that the woman’s limited resources are not going to be a problem – the king himself has supplied and will supply all the jewellery and ornamentation she needs.

On the human level. On the horizontal level there are lessons regarding courtship here both for men and for women. In any relationship there is often a sense of inadequacy at least on one side or the other. It is right that such feelings should be assuaged with words of encouragement and appropriate gifts. Lovers and husbands should assure their loved ones that they truly are loved and show it both with words and actions. Women, on the other hand, ought to be willing to receive such assurances and such gifts gratefully.

On the spiritual level. Always with this song we want to look higher than just the horizontal and here we are quite justified in hearing the words of Christ to his Bride the church I liken you, my darling, he says to a mare among Pharaoh's chariot horses. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. Christ the King is enthralled with the beauty of his people and gives her many good gifts to honour and beautify her. For the way Christ speaks to his people see 2 Peter 1:3, 4 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. Also remember Ephesians 5:27 which describes how Christ works to present her (his people) to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. If Christ's precious blood has been spilt for us, what will God withhold? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (Rom 8:32).

2. Consider this model of submissive devotion

In 1:12-14 the beloved speaks again. His my darling is matched by her my beloved, used here for the first of some 31 times. It is a term of affection and intimacy. She seems to be at the king’s dining table. There is a banquet, a feast perhaps, although the setting could be a more intimate one. Whatever the situation, she has eyes only for her beloved. In response to his promises she says While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. We move from sights to smells. It was common in that culture for women to wear a little sachet of sweet smelling perfume in solid form around their necks. She refers to three different perfumes.

The perfume she refers to first is literally nard – an expensive perfume from the Himalayas. It is the perfume with which Jesus was anointed at Bethany, you remember. As this woman sat at the King’s table the scent of her perfume was going out into the room in a similar way. His very presence produces a response from her.

Here the perfume represents the thoughts she had of him. The thought of him was like the smell of myrrh or of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. The idea of a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts suggests permanence and intimacy. He was close to her heart always. He is always in her thoughts. En Gedi in the desert west of the Dead Sea was not only well known for its perfumes but also an oasis so the picture is of a bright spot of colour and beauty and life (the flowers are white and yellow), of sweet smelling joy (the aroma is distinct) and hope in the midst of a desert landscape. That’s how she thought of her beloved.

On the human level, that's how a wife/prospective wife should think of a husband/prospective husband. When those strong desires and this hearty devotion is not there something is wrong.

On the spiritual level, think of Christ welcoming his people to his table as at the Last Supper. John laid his head on Jesus’s breast there but we all ought to be endeavouring to draw near to the Saviour. Every thought of him should be as of lovely perfume, beautiful fragrance. He has blessed us all in every way. How good he has been to us. Do you think of Christ in that way? Are you submissive to him? Do you delight in thinking of him and all he's done and does for you? That is how it should be.

3. Consider this model of royal fellowship

In 1:15-2:2 we have a delightful series of brief exchanges between the beloved and his beloved before another longer speech by the beloved in 2:3-13. These verses give us an idea of the intimacy and love between the two as they compliment each other. The relationship is developing. There is dialogue, conversation, banter even. As before, I think there are lessons here both on the horizontal and vertical levels.

1. Regards and response - It begins with the lover’s compliment (15) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. She responds in kind (16) How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! The darling is repeated from 1:9.

We get a lot of references to doves in this book. The dove symbolises several things. In this book, particularly gentleness, purity and chastity or faithfulness. The whites of the beloved’s eyes are likened to doves then or is it their beauty, their softness or tranquillity? Is it possibly the way her eyes dart about, looking in different directions, or how her eyelashes flutter like doves’ wings? We cannot be sure. She is not only beautiful but gentle, pure and faithful too. Her beloved is moved by this (note the Oh) and declares her to be his darling. She in turn is impressed with his handsomeness and his charm. 15a and 16a are identical in Hebrew but the second is (the only time in the book) in masculine form. She too is moved (Oh) and owns him to be her beloved.

This is how it should be between man and wife and prospective man and wife. There should be mutual praise – praise and response. It needs to be spoken too. It is not enough simply to feel it deep down and say nothing. The opposite danger of merely saying things must be avoided too, of course.

On a higher level the relationship between the believer and his Lord ought to be something like this. God’s Word declares that how ever unworthy we may feel, how ever undeserving if we are true believers then Christ is enthralled with us. When he looks into our eyes, as it were, he sees the Holy Spirt and all his work in us and he is enraptured. In response we ought to confess how wonderful the Lord Jesus is. There is no-one more engaging, no-one more admirable than he.

Have you seen that? Ask God to show you. Ask God to loosen your tongue to be able to say it without embarrassment.

2. Fellowship and freedom - She adds And our bed is verdant. They are walking in the fields and she is describing the open air nature of their love. They lay down in the fields with the grass, symbolic of freshness and life, beneath them. He responds in kind (17) The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs. They are in the woods and the trees around and above form a sort of house for them. This speaks of the fellowship and freedom they enjoy. They are together and they are free to roam. The trees, especially the cedar, probably also speaks of permanence. The repeated word our is also important. The idea of sharing is important.

Perhaps nothing epitomises young love better than the thought of a couple walking through the countryside together sharing the joys of God’s world. It re-enforces both the closeness and the freedom of the relationship. Think of a modern example like the evocative song ‘Fields of gold’. It describes lovers walking through fields of barley. ‘In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold’. The man asks ‘Will you stay with me, will you be my love among the fields of barley?’ Love flourishes in the city, of course, and cannot contain it, but poetically and symbolically the countryside brings out the freedom and joy of young love. It is a most good and desirable thing.

It is no accident that the world begins in a garden and will end with a city that sounds more like a garden than a city. Remember how at the beginning, it seems, Adam and Eve would walk with God in the Garden of Eden in the cool of the day. What fellowship there was, what freedom. They were naked but not ashamed for they had nothing to be ashamed of. It was all lost, of course, with that first sin. However, it can be restored in Jesus Christ. All who put their trust in him can know that fellowship with God restored and that freedom regained in him that will last forever in Paradise. Jesus reminds us that the meek will inherit the earth and the believer ought to have a sense upon of his freedom in Christ. Because we walk with him then all things are ours if not yet in fact then at least in principle. It is our Father’s and one day we will inherit it. He wants to share it with us and for us to enjoy it forever.

3. Realisation and more praise - This leads to her description of herself in 2:1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. We often associate this phrase with the Lord Jesus and many commentators take it to be spoken by the lover. The NIV suggests it is probably actually spoken by the beloved. Both would make sense. The Lord Jesus is certainly most beautiful and often spoke of himself with the words I am …. The rose of Sharon is not actually a rose but a beautiful flower from the coastal plain of Sharon south of Mount Carmel. That whole area is marked by its fertility and luscious greenery. Some associate it with the sweet smelling narcissus, others with the crimson anemone. (Iris, crocus, daffodil, etc are all suggested). The lily of the valleys is probably not the flower we refer to in that way but an anemone or lotus. (Amaryllis, woodbine and honeysuckle are also suggested). How the woman’s self-image has improved in the light of her beloved’s encouragement.

There is a simple lesson in itself. What a difference we can make to one another simply by the way we speak about each other. We ought to give thought to this. We don’t need to lie to each other or flatter each other but we ought to be quicker to praise where praise is due. One reason why we become discouraged in the Christian life is our failure to notice how highly the Bible speaks of believers. What wonderful things are said. Don’t you realise believer that you are a flower in God’s garden, planted by him and there to show his glory. Every time you praise him that's what you do. Perhaps a slightly tongue in cheek paraphrasing is apt ‘Why did you pick me?’

Finally, notice the King’s response in 2:2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women. He not only agrees with his beloved but he adds to her description. Yes, you are a lily he says like a lily among thorns. Compared with the other young women Solomon has eyes only for this one. She stands out. The others are like thorns in comparison.

That’s how it should be between man and wife or prospective man and wife. For the man his intended or his wife should be not just a lily but an outstanding lily. The charms of others should hold no allure for him. He should think of them as mere thorns in comparison. She must always have the highest place in his affections and in his thinking.

That is certainly how it is between the Lord Jesus and his people. In his eyes we are lilies among thorns. There is no question that Jesus loves all people yet there is a special love that he has for his own that pictures them as lilies among thorns. Do you realise that that is how the Lord sees you believer? He says of the ungodly The best of them is like a brier, the most upright worse than a thorn hedge. (Mic 7:4) but those he saves are lilies. They shine like stars in the universe (Phil 2:15). You stand out for him. You are special. You are his chosen one and though you may not feel like that you ought to. I am a rose of Sharon you ought to say a lily of the valley. I have been chosen in him before the foundation of the world. He has passed others by but not me. He has given me the Holy Spirit of Christ and he is working all things together for my good. Even now I am a child of God and what I will be has not yet been made known but it will be something wonderfully glorious. This is not positive thinking but biblical faith – taking God at his word and believing the promises he makes. That is what we must do.

And if you are not a believer, ask him to make you a rose of Sharon. Ask him to make you a lily of the valley. By nature we are all thorns – unproductive, useless; unscented, dull; hard, twisted; sharp and ugly. But he can change us. He can make us attractive, fragrant, kind, luxuriant, straight, tender, useful and vibrant, through what was done on the cross. At that time Christ wore the crown of thorns and suffered and died so that all who believe in him may be beautiful in his sight and live a life of love for his glory.

Psalm 37:7 Memorial Service Michael Toogood

Text Psalm 37:37 Date 15/07/23 Place The Swiss Church, Endell Street, Covent Garden

I would like to preach this afternoon on a text. It is found in Psalm 37 verse 37. It says

Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace.

In his Lectures on Sacred Rhetoric the Presbyterian R L Dabney gives it as a general rule for preachers not to eulogise people who have died. However, he does say that there are a few of God's servants whose sanctity is so universally approved even by those who are without, and on whom the Redeemer has so manifestly set his divine image, that it may be the pastor's duty to urge their example upon the church.

I think that is the case with Michael Toogood. Hence the text

Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace.

I thought it might be good first to explain how I came to know Michael and his work. I became pastor at Childs Hill Baptist Church near Golders Green in 1983 around the time when the London Inreach Project was in its infancy. We were then still in the Baptist Union but we soon left and went on to leave the London Baptist Association too. That year the LBA president was inviting churches to give to work in Holloway Road, where there was a woman pastor and Purley, Surrey, in what was always known as the stockbroker belt. I had no enthusiasm for those projects but when I heard about the London Inreach Project I immediately saw that this was a far more worthy work for the church to give to and recommended to the church that we support it and so we did. As it turned out, one of our then deacons, Jeremy Skelton, had been at the very first LIP public meeting representing the church. I was subsequently recruited to the LIP committee, I think originally to edit the newsletter. I was then chairman for some time if I remember rightly.

I am a Welshman and I think it is fair to say that Michael was my idea of a prototypical Englishman. I'm not sure where you stand on nominative determinism, the hypothesis that people tend towards the sort of activity their name would suggest. You know, there's a Scots chef called Tom Kitchin and a Midlands weather presenter called Sara Blizzard. I heard Michael's name before I ever met him and it has to be said that it influenced my expectations. The name Michael can be parsed as “like God” and Toogood speaks for itself. Now the thing is that I was not disappointed.

I will never forget Michael coming to our church for the first time on deputation and particularly that “before and after” set of slides depicting the way he and Pam had transformed that grotty first basement flat that they first lived in. I remember thinking “This is the sort of thing Francis Schaeffer talks about but here it is in practice”.

I never knew Michael personally but I know about how he lived and I have read his short autobiography. In fact I read it again this week to refresh my mind. I don't find myself agreeing with every decision and action he made, of course, but he has been an inspiration. Many years ago, at the end of 1998, when I was the editor of the now defunct Grace Magazine I tried to write an encouraging article. It was called Reasons to be cheerful. It talked about the work of GBM and especially of Keith Underhill, Brian Ellis and Andrew Swanson. And then in a final paragraph I wrote

To take one more example, consider the fact that 20 years ago the Soho area was as bad as ever it was but with no permanent evangelical testimony there. Now, though small and struggling, Immanuel Community Church is there, is known and is maintaining a regular witness to the residents and tourists in that needy area.

I noted that it was a former Grace editor, Keith Davies, who, with others had the vision for the project and that “it is especially through Michael Toogood's valiant efforts that not only was a church planted in Soho but another in Covent Garden, under Mike Mellor.”

Michael and the work was a reason to be cheerful then and it is now too.

*

Psalm 37 then. It is Of David but there is no detail about when he wrote it or why. It was written at a time when David was very aware of the wickedness all about him. People were advancing wicked schemes and, as he says (12-14) a time when The wicked were plotting against the righteous and gnash(ing) their teeth at them, drawing the sword and bending the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright.

The psalm is a teaching psalm. It teaches us what to do and what not to do at such times and is full of wonderful promises to the faithful as well as warnings for the wicked.

There are four particular places where David exhorts his hearers about what to do.

1-5 Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; ... Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD,... Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him ....

7/8 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret

27a Turn from evil and do good; 34a Hope in the LORD and keep his way

Verse 37 comes then in the final section where David calls on us to (34a) Hope in the LORD and keep his way. The promise, 34b, is He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

Verses 35, 36 are the counterpart to verses 25, 26. In 25, 26 he says that he was now old but had never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. In 35, 36 David again speaks from experience. I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a luxuriant native tree, but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found. He speaks from experience but this is the truth. The wicked soon pass away.

After the 1662 ejection, many of those persecuted at that time made it a habit to note the providential deaths of some of their most bitter enemies. Michael Watts tells us how a wealthy Lincolnshire man named Radley who attempted to harm a congregation of General Baptists became bankrupt and died in London of the plague,  his widow and orphaned children being forced to cast themselves on the mercy of these very same people.

Philip Henry noted the death of arch persecutor, Montgomeryshire magistrate David Maurice, thrown from his horse and drowned in the River Tanat on the Welsh border. Thomas Robinson, MP for Helston, Cornwall, died after being gored by a bull the very day he planned to prosecute dissenters.

Such occurrences seem to be relatively rare but they are reminders that God is in control and that he will one day judge all who rebel against him. What a fearful judgement awaits sinners.

The contrast is in verses 37, 38 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. But all sinners will be destroyed; there will be no future for the wicked. This consideration must affect how we think and live, relieving anxiety, strengthening faith.

Just focusing on verse 37 today and thinking of Michael I want to say three things

1. Michael Toogood – an example of a man who lived a blameless and upright life

David speaks about the blameless … the upright. He has in mind people like Michael Toogood. Now we all know that no-one is perfect. The better you knew Michael I guess the easier it would be to identify where his sins lay. However, he was a blameless and upright man. That is to say he lived a holy life and it is notable because he lived in a time and place where it was not a common thing.

When people think a person is very good they will sometimes say “he's a saint”. Well, Michael was a saint – not in that generalised way but in truth, he was one of God's holy ones.

What stands out for me is his commitment to the work of God and the sacrifices he made in order to do the work he did. Further, he was obviously a man full of compassion.

He attempts some self-assessment in his autobiography (pp 63, 64)

Given my background it's no surprise that the work ethic is part and parcel of who I am. I suspect its root lies lies in my upbringing and lifestyle within my family home. Work dominated almost everything. It was the source of our income and provision for the family. Since our well being depended on the work being done, day in, day out, my parents just got on with it.

The second influence was the studio where I was employed as a graphic designer and typographer. My working day normally stretched between 9 am and 5.30 p.m. What impressed itself on me from the beginning was that someone had to pay for every minute I was there ....

My work ethic became something of a joke among the Soho team and church members, although I can hardly believe it. Apparently I used to tap my foot when someone was late, kept us waiting or when I felt time was being wasted. Throughout the Soho years I maintained a pattern of working every day Monday to Friday 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, and each evening until 9:00 pm. On Monday evenings I relaxed by walking the streets, peering into shop windows and looking at paintings, mainly in Mayfair.

I kept as much of Saturday free as possible, helping Pam with the family shopping ... then walking around the city, guidebook in hand, in the afternoon ....

Commitment is not something we see enough of these days, perhaps. There is even to some extent a fear of commitment. Michael was committed to the work in central London, devoted might be a more accurate word. It is striking that he did not assume a two week holiday would be appropriate but thought it through and came to see it was necessary. If it hadn't have been he wouldn't have taken it.

Commitment always incurs sacrifice and because Michael spent so many years in Soho, it involved great sacrifices. As most of you will know, he contracted TB at one point, a disease we thought had gone forever. It was all part of the sacrifice that he (and of course Pam too) made.

Of course, commitment and sacrifice alone would not have been enough. There was undoubtedly a compassion that drove Michael to be willing to do some of the less desirable things that he did as he sought to serve God.

So we begin there, Michael Toogood – an example of a man who lived a blameless and upright life. Yes, we live in an age where much wickedness exists but here is a tangible example of uprightness, of blamelessness.

2. Michael Toogood - an invitation to consider and observe his life

What David invites us to do is to Consider the blameless, to observe the upright. Now we were able to do that while Michael was alive to some extent and we are able to do it now to a lesser extent. Obviously, as the years go by less and less people will know about Michael's witness but it is right to continue to consider his blamelessness and to observe his uprightness. I think we can do this in two or three ways.

Firstly, I think the autobiography should be kept in print. More than that, at some point a further biography less subjective ought probably to be produced. It will be a good thing if his life is told for a future generation who never knew him.

Then there is the continuing work in central London. The aim was to establish a church in Soho, in the heart of the city and that has been done. The church is weak and small, however, and we all ought to do what we can to see it strengthened and built up.

More than that, it is important that the spirit and approach that Michael pioneered continue. What he did cannot be replicated and does not need to be. He cannot be cloned either and no-one would want that but it would be good if there were people like Michael in the days to come. Pioneers who can see the need and who will be willing to think through a strategy and then make the commitment and the sacrifices necessary to serve God and to reach out to those who have not yet heard.

The description on page 134 is priceless.

I remember the morning I decided that my visiting should embrace all and anyone living or working in Soho. Practically, this meant taking a street or block of flats and visiting them systematically. This policy should also include the notorious alleys! Immediately opposite our Brewer Street home, Green's Court linked with Peter's Street. It was narrow and grubby but tame compared with Walker's Court which ran parallel to it. An Italian Deli, a shoe repair shop, a coffee bar and a club/brothel were all situated there. The brothel was my first venture into the seedy world of the sex industry.

With a club of sorts trading downstairs, the action seemed to be on the first floor. A highly made-up bleach blonde woman in her 60s sat behind a table at the top of the first flight of stairs. I had seen her bustling around the area before. In the 1950s she would have been known as the 'Madame' who sifted the male customers. Apparently not all male customers were acceptable to the working girls! I explained who I was and why I was visiting all the premises in the Court. She waved me into the waiting room. The room was small and made smaller still by a curtain which separated the waiting customers from those being entertained. The girl was already busy on the other side of the curtain! A few minutes later the customer appeared, embarrassed at finding someone waiting on the other side of the curtain but he went quickly down the stairs and out into the street.

Then the girl appeared, not wearing a great deal. She was actually attractive, in her early 30s, dark haired and probably Italian. I explained who I was and why I was there, showing her the family photograph as evidence. She had probably heard many stories like mine before! With customers arriving, time was short. Why was she doing this? I noticed the gold ring on her wedding finger. She said she was working for the money - about £400 a day, lived a train journey away and was in Soho for about eight hours. Her husband was in agreement with what she was doing. It was time to go. I left some gospel literature behind.

Once again, some would find fault with my visiting such places and people, but Jesus did and counted such rejects among his friends and followers. I soon recognised that my visiting like this was not ideal but it was the best we could do at that time.

3. Michael Toogood - a reminder that those who seek peace have a future in the world to come

Then we must not miss finally the closing part of the verse. Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. It could be simply peace awaits such people but probably David is saying that the blameless and upright are also those who seek peace. Of course, peace is one of the things that Michael now has but there is a whole lot more that he has now inherited and there is more to come. Now we know he has received all these good things by the merits of his Saviour, Jesus Christ. However, the trajectory that began here on earth, a blameless and upright life is the one that leads to future glory. There is no reason to believe that there is any future for those who do not seek holiness. Without holiness no-one will see the Lord. We are confident about Michael, however, that now he is in heaven. He has been given the crown of righteousness.

I intended to read from page 139 where he gives all praise to his Saviour and speaks of his conversion but that was read earlier.

We have said goodbye to him in the way that we say goodbye to people who set off on a journey in the car or on a train or plane. We've watched as the vehicle disappeared into the distance but we knew that at the other end of the journey they'd be received by others. And that's what has happened. We've said goodbye but Michael has been received into eternal dwellings by God's holy angels, where he will remain until the Lord Jesus comes again and the great resurrection day is here.

His blameless and upright testimony should be an encouragement to those of us who remain to keep pressing on to the glorious future that lies ahead for all who trust in Christ and live for him.

Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace.

Courtship - Self perceptions and desires, getting it right

Text Song of Songs 1:5-8 Date 02/02/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist

We have begun a new sermon series on the Song of Solomon. We have looked at the first four verses of the book. This evening I would like us to go on with verses 5-8. In these verses the Shulammite, the woman, speaks and then in verse 8, the friends again comment.

We said something about right desire and its expression last week. This week we turn to the matter of how people should rightly think of themselves and why; how to lovingly pursue another and, again, what onlookers should think and do. We want to say four things

1. Is your self-perception right?

In 1:5 the woman is speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem. These are, presumably, relatively sophisticated women who live in the capital city, at the hub of the nation. As this country girl speaks about herself, it is clear that she is rather self-conscious in their presence. For the first time she expresses a little self-doubt and insecurity. She begins Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon.

Women’s fashions change, as do opinions on what is attractive. At certain times in the 19th Century the bustle was popular. In the 1920s, a flat chest was felt to be essential for a woman. At one time long skirts and natural colours may be popular but then it is the turn of shorter skirts and brighter colours. Trends come, trends go.

There are cultural differences too. It has been noted how western women often try to make their eyes look more like those of eastern women and how eastern women frequently try to look more like western women. In some countries ‘thin is in and stout is out’ while in others ‘fat’s where it’s at; no-one’s keen on lean’. While some African women are busy trying to lighten their skin colour with cosmetics, creams and drugs, North European women are under the sun lamp or busy with fake tan, trying to achieve the opposite effect!

In Solomon’s time, the desire was for light coloured skin; indeed, the paler the better. Whatever shade of skin this woman was born with, it was certainly now darker than she desired. We shall say why in a moment. The first point to notice, however, is that she was wondering how, as unattractive as she is sure she is, she could be of any interest to the great Solomon.

Having said all this, do notice a paradox. At the same time she says that she is lovely. Indeed, by referring to the black tents of Kedar, the goat hide tents of the desert Bedouin tribes south east of Damascus, darkened by their exposure to the elements, and to the tent curtains of Solomon (probably those in his palace) she may be suggesting the idea not only of blackness on the outside but also treasure within. Alternatively, the rough tents of Kedar may correspond to her darkness and the well-crafted tent curtains of Solomon which could be colourful not dark, would refer to her loveliness. Isaac Watts took it that way. “Though in ourselves deformed we are, And black as Kedar’s tents appear, Yet, when we put thy beauties on, Fair as the courts of Solomon.”

Her ambivalence is typical of adolescent self-perception and the attitudes of young lovers. In a more balanced way, it is also a theme in Scripture with regard first to the Messiah, then to the believer and his perceptions of himself.

Isaiah 53:2 says of Messiah He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. And yet we know that ultimately he has everything to make us desire him. In Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form (Col 2:9) and he has great glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth (Jn 1:14).

As for believers, they are free from condemnation (Rom 8:1); full of goodness and complete in knowledge (Rom 15:14); the world is not worthy of them (Heb 11:38) yet they are nothing in and of themselves. In Paul’s words Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 We have the treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

We know that God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (Isa 40:29) and though our heart and flesh fail, we can say with Asaph (Ps 73:26) God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. That is why we are to seek what Peter calls the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (2 Pet 3:4).

Also, think of the disjuncture between the unbelieving world’s attitude to believers and how God sees us. Paul is fond of this contrast. He says of himself and other apostles, in words partly reminiscent of the Beloved’s own, To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world. 1 Cor 4:11-13

Psalm 149:4 tells us that the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Another relevant verse is 1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

There is a remarkable mixture of modesty and self-assurance in this woman, then. She knows that she is unworthy of him, yet she also knows that Solomon is attracted to her. That same fusion of humility and confidence ought to be with us in our relationships. As the saying goes, we all have a lot to be humble about. Even the best of us, what have we really achieved? There is certainly something very unattractive about boasting. On the other hand, if we are believers, we are aware that we all have God-given graces and talents, various assets with which the Lord has provided us.

The corollary is that we cannot reasonably expect perfection in others. A person may seem faultless to us at first but we can be sure that there are insecurities and anxieties, spots and blemishes, imperfections and flaws, for us to regret and to cover over.

God has made men and women with cravings for intimacy, with sexual desire, and if you aspire to such things there is no reason why, if you are realistic, you should not find sexual intimacy with someone in Christ. More than that, God has made us for himself and, although we are sinful and unworthy, he nevertheless wants men and women like us, and boys and girls too, to come to Jesus Christ and to be intimately related to him.

It sounds crazy on the face of it, perhaps. Many mock the idea. ‘Why would King Solomon be interested in a poor farm girl?’ ‘Why would the King of Kings be interested in someone like me? Why should he want to know me?’ Yet that is the plain teaching of Scripture. Human love is a great thing. It is usually a wonderful feeling to know that someone wants to marry you. ‘Me? Why should they want to spend their life with me?’

Even greater still is to know that Jesus wants me. And he does. Do you know that? Do you realise how great his desires for you? Have you come to him yet? Have you known his intimate embrace? His arms are open, outstretched in love to all who will come to him. Come to him today.

The hymn ‘in tenderness he sought me’ pictures the Lord as the Good Samaritan and includes the striking line ‘I wondered what he saw in me, to suffer such deep agony.’

It is a common thought for Christian writers. In 1962 an American Indian believer, Martin N Huaxcuatitla, wrote a hymn in Tetelcingo Aztec, which translates ‘What did you see in me beloved and blesséd God? I have nothing good to offer, my Lord Jesus Christ.’

Just before her death in 1863, Jane Crewdson wrote “O Saviour, I have naught to plead, In earth beneath or heaven above, But just my own exceeding need, And thy exceeding love.

The need will soon be past and gone, Exceeding great, but quickly o’er; The love unbought is all thine own, And lasts forevermore.”

Listen to Jesus’ wooing words (Matt 11:28-30) Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

2. Do you understand your self-nature rightly?

The Beloved goes on speaking to the friends in 1:6 do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect.

Although a very minor difference genetically, the melanin that colours our skin can be quite noticeable. Shades vary from one ethnic grouping to another and within ethnic groups as well. We are all affected to a greater or lesser extent too by solar rays. Obviously in the days before a detailed knowledge of the sun’s ultra-violet beams, before suntan lotions, creams and oils with their various sun protection factors, those who did not have to go out into the fields and work, that is the rich city folk, tended to have the lighter coloured skin. Those who worked hard in the fields, that is the poor country folk, tended to have darker skin. The reason that this woman was dark - not literally black as the tents of Kedar but darker than Solomon certainly – was because she was disadvantaged and had had to work in the fields. This was a social matter then, not a racial one.

She'd been forced to do this, it transpires, to enrich her brothers (probably her stepbrothers; they are called her mother’s children; no father is mentioned here or elsewhere. Presumably he'd died). Here is male headship again but this time in a perverted and predatory form. We don't know why they were angry with her. There is a play on their being hot with anger and sending her out to work in the hot sun. She was very conscious of her darkness and felt the people’s stares as they gawped and gazed at her whenever she was in town. It was embarrassing, awkward. It made her feel uncomfortable, ashamed.

The woman goes further. She has to confess that although she has taken care of other vineyards, literally and metaphorically, my own vineyard I have neglected. This is not a reference to her being promiscuous or over-chaste. Rather, it refers to what we may term her sex appeal. Her vineyard is her appearance and person. A well-kept vineyard is natural yet orderly. It's a useful metaphor for a woman’s person (or a man’s for that matter). The need for self-cultivation is ever present.

The matter of self-image raises itself here again, then. Physically, temperamentally and in other ways we are limited as to what we can achieve. We must, on one hand, struggle to improve, and on the other, learn to accept that certain things are as they are. We need to try and make progress while recognising our own limitations. Getting the balance is not always easy. Why are we as we are? Because we are in a world that, although created perfect by God, is a sinful, fallen world where we sin and are sinned against; where things are blemished and blighted, defective and damaged, substandard and spoiled. This leaves its mark. The various trials and tests that we face can be discouraging at times. We are filled with shame and disgrace. It is humiliating.

We were created in God’s image but that image is twisted and marred. While taking sin seriously we must not become disheartened but see that, although such things make us ‘dark’, under God we can also be ‘lovely’ in the eyes of Christ. He does not overlook sin, of course, but he understands why we have the faults and flaws in us that we do and also where these are not of our own making. We can be delivered from guilt and shame through him and what he has done on the cross. The image of God in us can be reconstituted through gazing into the face of Christ.

Preaching on 1:5, 6, Richard Sibbes taught that God’s people are imperfect on earth (outwardly and inwardly). God allows this in order to draw us from earth, humble us and increase our patience. We must confess our blackness to him and long for heaven, not being discouraged but seeing our glory. Our sovereign deliverer can help us as he has his saints in the past. We must remain upright and refrain from fretting. We must be humble and learn to be encouraged. There is glory, in the midst of many defects and disgrace, in our new name, nature, fortune, family and Guide. How blind we are by nature but what comfort is here! Lets not be like flies on a wound or dogs among rubbish, over-emphasising deficiencies. That is a defiant, unjust and thoroughly bad way to act.

We must take courage then and learn to go to God with the right mixture of modesty and assurance, lowliness and boldness, meekness and confidence, humility and daring. He crowns the humble with salvation (Ps 149:4). We can say confidently with David (Ps 27:10, 13) Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. …. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. All we need do is Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD (Ps 27:14).

3. Do you rightly have self-respect

In 1:7 the woman speaks to the King and makes her request Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

Whether Solomon was literally a shepherd, like his father, does not entirely matter. She is speaking of him in poetic and romantic terms. The words flock and sheep have been supplied by the translators and, as in other places, some writers see a sexual double entendre in the words graze and rest. Such suggestions are notoriously difficult to assess. Some people can give anything a sexual connotation. It is wiser not to be too eager to find such phenomena.

The woman wants to come and see him and so she wants to know exactly where to find him. She wears a veil to hide her identity from others but doesn't want people to think she is ‘a veiled woman’, which probably means a prostitute. Not all veiled women were prostitutes but remember how Tamar in Genesis covered herself with a veil … at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the road to Timnah when she took up that role (Gen 38:14). If the Beloved knows where her Lover is she will not need to wander from field to field, possibly giving the impression that she is not respectable. She wants to be with her Lover but doesn't want to do anything to lose her good reputation in the process. She wants to see him in the right way and at the right time too - midday not midnight. Midday, of course, is the hottest part of the day, quite oppressive in that part of the world, necessitating rest in the shade for the flock. At this time the sheep would not be demanding the shepherd’s full attention either.

So we learn a little more of the woman’s commendable character. She wants to be respectable. She wants to conduct herself demurely and in the proper way. How admirable. Whenever people pursue a relationship, it is important that they do so with the utmost propriety and decorum. There must be nothing sleazy or shady about it, nothing seedy or sordid. Young people should meet each other in public, in open places such as in church, around the family table, at a bowling alley or somewhere similar. A parked car on a dimly lit street or the gloom of a discotheque or somewhere like that is not a good place. Further, women who are eager to be desired must be careful not to give the wrong impression. Great care must be taken, especially in our day and age, over choice of clothing and manner of conduct.

At the same time, it is important for young people/older singles to meet one another. Accessibility is an important factor in any relationship going forward. Couples that spend no time together are bound to have problems. Deliberately playing hard to get is not an acceptable strategy in courtship.

On the vertical level, it is equally true that time is necessary to build a relationship with the Lord. "Take time to be holy. Speak oft with thy Lord ... Take time to be holy, the world rushes on. Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone. There are no quick fixes or instant solutions. Like every other relationship quality time is vital."

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We also learn something here about the Lover’s character. He is pictured as a shepherd, a favourite image for a leader in Scripture, especially the Lord himself. It conjures up a hardworking yet tender and sympathetic picture. Here is one who cares for his flocks and fights off attacks from wild animals and so will care for all those who come to him. Go to Jesus the Good Shepherd, the Great Shepherd, the Chief Shepherd. He will watch over you and he will care for you.

"Pray Dear Saviour, tell us where Thy sweetest pastures grow, Thither with haste would we advance, Where living waters flow. Direct us to thy flock, With them may we abide, Protected from the noon-day beams, And resting near thy side." (Beddome).

4. Are you unselfish?

We note, finally, the words in 1:8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.

These could be someone else’s words. If they are the man’s, he is probably being playful or teasing. They appear to be spoken by the friends. They want this woman to know where to find her Shepherd Lover. Notice as well how complimentary they are. It could be sarcasm but it is more likely that they are sincere. It is certainly our job to encourage each other always.

They tell the woman where to look for her Lover. It is obvious in some ways – he is with his sheep, of course! They are not so much informing her as encouraging her. As for her young goats, we remember how Jesus contrasts goats unfavourably with sheep (Matt 25, drawing on Eze 34:17) but to speak of her dark and unruly goats of waywardness coming under the tender care of these shepherds is probably to push the image too far.

So we ought to do what we can to encourage healthy, biblically-shaped relationships between people and do all we can to show them the way to the Lord Jesus. Where is he? He is found most often among his sheep. Wherever his people meet, he is in their midst, as he promised (Matt 18:20). Where the other pastors or under-shepherds are, he is there. In other words, come and listen to the Word preached. You'll not regret seeking Christ. Seek him earnestly. Ask him to teach you the meaning behind words like these

"O Jesus, King most wonderful Thou Conqueror renowned, Thou sweetness most ineffable In whom all joys are found! When once Thou visitest the heart, Then truth begins to shine, Then earthly vanities depart, Then kindles love divine."