Wedding of Rhodri and Sibyl

Text: Genesis 2:24 Time: 12/09/09 Place: Childs Hill Baptist Church

Let me begin with a word of explanation. We want to celebrate Rhodri and Sibyl's marriage in various ways today but we've begun with the marriage vows themselves and that in the context of worshipping God. The most important thing in true worship is when God's Word is read and expounded. So although you may have been to weddings where there was no sermon, we're not going to do it that way today. There is a sermon and for the next 25 minutes or so I want us to look together at God's Word. The verse I particularly want to focus on is found in Genesis 2:24. It reads

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Now what I want to do is simply to look at the verse in its context and seek to explain what it says. In doing this I'm speaking especially to Rhodri and Sibyl but indeed to all of us gathered here today before God.
I want to say four main things.
1. Understand that marriage is not a man-made idea but a God given one
We begin with the words For this reason. At this point, it would appear, Moses, who wrote Genesis, adds a comment. Until now he has simply described what happened – how God made the world and particularly the first human beings.
In Genesis 2 he speaks here of how after God had first formed the world, there was no rain and no man to work the ground so God sent streams that came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Then, we read in verse 7, the LORD God formed the first man, the man we call Adam. He used the dust of the ground - no great surprise there as we know that our bodies are made up entirely of materials found in the ground but (and we must never forget this) he also gave man a soul. He breathed it says into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Now this man was put, Moses reliably informs us, in a beautiful, well-watered garden planted by God himself, in Eden. Man's role there was to be to work it and take care of it. Work has always been part of being human – from the beginning. The man was allowed to eat from any tree except for one.
At first it was just Adam, but Moses tells us that, on what must still have been that same sixth day of creation, that (18) The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. That might have made a good text too today - It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Moses then explains how all the animals and birds that God had created were brought ... to the man so that he could name them and he gave names to all of them. That's another characteristically human activity that goes back to the very beginning – naming things, describing and cataloguing them. But, says Moses in verse 20, for Adam no suitable helper was found. And so what happened was that God performed the first ever operation. Using his own anaesthetic he (21-23) caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; while he slept, God took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.
Now I am well aware that many people think this is just a story and they prefer their own stories – however bizarre they may be. However, there is every reason to believe that this is God's Word and that what we are told here is true. This is how it all began – Adam, our first father, we are ll descended from him, being from the ground but with a soul; Adam first then the woman, Eve; the woman to help the man not the man to help the woman; the man and the woman, the first and only couple on earth.
Now you may say “okay you can believe that if you want but what does it have to do with what's happening today?”. Well, that's the point. It is for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, .... You see, you've come here today to wish Rhodri and Sibyl well but you're not necessarily saying that you think this is the only way of going about things. If that's what they want they have your blessing but you're not going to commit yourself any further. And it is very tempting for me to leave it at that. But we're not saying that this is simply a good idea, we're saying more. We're saying this is the right way to go about things, the only right way, the way that God himself ordained. Now I know that is offensive to many people today but I do want you to understand properly what is happening. This is not just a way of doing things, it is the right way, God's way, the way he always intended for human beings.

I was half listening to radio programme the other week on technical manuals for products. They interviewed a man about writing these things – the difficulties, the importance of not making assumptions, etc. Well, imagine a perfect product with a perfect maker's manual. Yes, you could use the product in ways not recommended in the manual but surely the best thing to do would be to follow the maker's instructions. That's what we're endeavouring to do today – to follow the Maker's instructions.
Marriage is as fundamental as there being seven days in a week and one of them being a day of rest; as fundamental as man being both body and soul; as fundamental as his working and naming things. Marriage is not just a good idea, it is a God idea.
2. Realise that it involves a man leaving his parents
So what does it say next? For this reason a man will leave his father and mother. What is happening here today is that we are formally recognising, firstly, that Rhodri is leaving his father and mother. He was born to us nearly 20 years ago now and although he hasn't been literally under our roof quite all that time, he's been our responsibility. Now today that changes. Not that we won't care for you or help you or even offer you a bed from now on – and Sibyl too, of course. I'm sure that goes for Sibyl's parents, Dennis and Josey too, as it's similar for Sibyl. In Psalm 45:10 the Bride is told Forget your people and your father's house.
So formally speaking, we are acknowledging, Rhodri, that you are leaving us, just as I left my parents all those years ago. You are forming a new household, with all the responsibilities that entails. In a similar way, Sibyl, you are leaving your parents to be with Rhodri.
Now again I am aware that not everyone does it this way. In some societies, for example the son doesn't leave his father and mother. Rather, the wife joins his family or more rarely he joins hers and they are both under one patriarch. That is not the biblical pattern. Rather, there is leaving your father and mother to begin a new household. In many ways it is not instinctive. Your mother and father are your own flesh and blood, the person you marry is not necessarily related to you at all – indeed must not be too closely related. Of course, as we shall see, there is more to be said, but it is in some ways counter-intuitive.
It is important to keep in mind this leaving idea. It will do at least two things.
1. It will keep us, as your parents (and Dennis and Josey too) from any temptation to meddle in your affairs. Inevitably, we are going to have differences of opinion on certain things – how you spend your money or organise your home, how you bring up any children, etc. Now it is important that we parents remember that you are leaving and do not try to interfere too much.
2. The other thing this does is to wake you up to your responsibilities. You are now the head of a new household, Rhodri. You are responsible. It's like a fresh start. You've seen us trying to do it and you can see (hopefully) some good examples and (no doubt) places where there could be improvements. It's a daunting thought in some ways – but God will be with you if you look to him.
3. Realise that it involves a man being united to his wife
A man will leave his father and mother is the negative side, really; the positive side comes next - and be united to his wife. The reason why you're leaving us today, Rhodri, is not that you're fed up with us (I trust) or something like that. Rather, it is in order to be united to your wife, to Sibyl. The word Moses uses means to cling or adhere to – like cling film or glue, I guess. It means to join or can be used for running hard after, keeping up with. You need to keep up with each other, we could put it. You two together are now forming a new unit, a new household, by being joined in this way.
You've seen how your own parents did things, you've seen other couples, and, as we said, there are things you like and things you've been less impressed with. Now it's your turn. As long as you seek to follow the patterns laid down in Scripture and as long as you remain committed to both the leaving (leaving your parents) and the cleaving or uniting (Rhodri to Sibyl, Sibyl to Rhodri) then there is plenty of flexibility and a wonderful opportunity for you to do things (hopefully) at least as well but hopefully much better than those who went before.
I think that when you see marriage in these dynamic terms it's really exciting. It's made me quite excited again as I have prepared this. It is not 'just a bit of paper' as some people say. No, it's a covenant of leaving and cleaving, of departing and uniting that is full of potential for the glory of God. Do try always to think of it in that way.
You have not been forced into this. It is your choice to marry each other. It is a reminder to us all that choosing a life partner is one that cannot be taken lightly. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of patience. The important thing for you now though is to be united now to each other in every way. You remember Jesus's famous words that I used earlier Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
4. In marriage the two become one flesh
Then the last bit - and they will become one flesh. Moses takes things a step further here. Yes, a man is united to his wife but, more than that they will become one flesh. You sometimes see these number plate style things on wedding cards, etc – U2R1. That's about right I guess.
Now obviously, this happens on a physical level in sexual union. Great efforts are constantly being made to divorce sex and marriage. Many people today want to see sex as just a way of recreation. “You don't have to be married to have sex” someone may say. No, but then you can drive a car that's not yours or kill your next door neighbour or tell lies, too, and do many other things. 'Can' and Should' are two different words. The fact is that God wants people to enjoy sex in the marriage bed – not anywhere else. Again, it is a question of whether we are going to follow the Maker's instructions or not. You can open a tin of paint with a chisel (I confess I've actually tried it but don't recommend it) - but it isn't good for the chisel!
The idea of becoming one flesh reflects what Adam said when he first saw Eve (23) This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of man. This is not to say that a single person is less than fully human – Jesus himself never married. However, the Bible does a have a very high view of marriage and we should too. There is something essentially wholesome about it. It is a reminder that the first woman was bone of Adam's bones and flesh of his flesh. The very name woman, in Hebrew at least, reflects the fact that Eve was taken out of man – not forgetting at the same time, of course, as Paul reminds us, that every man also comes from woman by being born to them. We are intricately connected.
The verse that follows also ought to be noted (25) The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. These were the days of man's innocence, before sin came into the world. It is not like that now but within marriage there is no shame in nakedness and by God's grace something of that beginning may be recaptured.
Being one flesh, of course, is much more than sexual union. What goes on ideally in marriage is that the two partners, man and wife, are increasingly woven together as one. Just as they entwine their fingers and their bodies so their lives become entwined. Obviously they remain two people but their lives become so intertwined that it is sometimes difficult to know the difference. I have noticed since my mother died how certain things that I thought were very much her are in fact things more characteristic of my dad. I think it is fair to say that this melding process is difficult, especially in the beginning. I'm sure you've heard me say that even walking under the same umbrella arm in arm is almost impossible. You know each other quite well – but you don't know everything about each other and living as one flesh is bound to bring out things not yet discovered. This is how it is to be, however, they will become one flesh or indeed are one flesh or even have become one flesh. It can be translated in different ways.
In the New Testament, in Ephesians 5:28, Paul concludes from this that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He argues He who loves his wife loves himself. For you, Rhodri, to fail to love Sibyl entirely is not only wrong but it is a form of madness. Do love her and never be harsh with her. And you Sibyl, as you know, are to submit to your husband(s) as to the Lord.
So, to conclude - marriage is not a man-made idea but a God given one; it involves leaving your parents and being united to each other so that you become one flesh.
If you are married, remain committed to that marriage.

If you are not, do consider what God has ordained and respect it.

Rhodri and Sibyl, may you increasingly, day by day, know the joy of living according to this God-given ordinance and may he bless you in it. Amen.

Wedding of Stefan and Rachel

Text: Ephesians 5:21-33 Time: 24/08/07 Place: Mount Rd Baptist, Hinckley
People are free to disagree on this but I would think that in an ideal world marriages would not take place in church buildings. Ideally, they should be in a person's home. For various reasons, however, church buildings are commonly used for weddings, especially where Christians are concerned. Quite rightly in such weddings the marriage vows are exchanged in the context of a Christian worship service, as we are doing now.
Now the heart of true Christian worship, worship in Spirit and in truth, is the sermon – the preaching of God's Word. If we were in a Roman Catholic wedding today the height of the worship would be what they call the mass but this is a wedding of Protestants and so, for good Scriptural reasons the centre-piece of our worship is the sermon, the preaching.
I count it a great privilege to have been asked today then not only to marry Stefan and Rachel but especially to preach to them and to you here today.
I have known Stefan all his life and Rachel a little less time than that but like all of you here today I give thanks to God for both them.
1. Firstly, I am thankful to God for their parents and their sincere faith, the same faith that is now seen in these two who (like Timothy) have had the privilege from infancy ... of knowing the holy Scriptures.
2. I am thankful to the Lord, of course, like their parents and many others here today, for bringing them to himself individually in London and in Hinckley so that they believed those Scriptures and were made wise to salvation.
3. And then like all of you I am thankful also for the way that he brought them together up in Durham so that they have come to this point where they want to spend the rest of their lives together in covenant faithfulness as man and wife.
We pray that they may continue to walk with the Lord and that together they may also be a blessing to many others in the years to come.
Now for a wedding sermon there are many possible places to turn. Perhaps the most obvious place is the passage read to us and that I want to draw your attention to - Ephesians 5:21-33. Here Paul speaks very simply and very clearly about Christian marriage – how it is ordered and what it is intended to symbolise.
So focusing on this passage I want to say four things to you all.
1. Rachel and all wives - it is your calling to submit to your husband
Paul is very plain on this (22) Wives, submit to your husbands he says as to the Lord. Rachel, as you know, Stefan is to be like the Lord to you in this marriage. Paul gives an argument for this. He says (23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Just as Christ is head over his church (the people of God) of which he is Saviour so in a Christian marriage the husband is the head of the wife and so just (24) as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands and he is clear about this in everything – things great and small.
Now the world doesn’t really understand this.

Firstly, it is very keen on equality and it tends to think that equality means sameness. But that is to misunderstand terms. If I have a kilo of sugar here and a kilo of salt here and I put them on either side of a balance and I say ‘There, they are equal’ it does not mean salt is sweet and sugar is salty. And so, yes, it is important to understand, Rachel and Stefan, that you are equal (heirs together) but you are not the same. One of you has to submit to the other and the norm, says God, is for the wife to submit to the husband. Yes, we must (21) submit to one another in the church out of reverence for Christ but in the marriage the norm is for the woman to submit to the man – not because she is one whit inferior or less important but because God has set an order to things – the man as head, the woman as submissive.
The other problem the world has with this, frankly, is that it sounds dangerous from the woman’s point of view. If the woman submits in everything then surely the man will take advantage. Isn’t that how women have ended up so often being downtrodden? Well, certainly it is a thorny subject. In The Times newspaper this week there was an interview with former model Patti Boyd, who has just written her autobiography. Now if you don’t know the name, Patti was married first to George Harrison of the Beatles and then the guitarist Eric Clapton. Now she says something very interesting in this interview. She says that her attitude in both marriages was -
If the man says that he wants this, that or the other then that’s what we’re going with …whatever the man says is right.
This, she says, she learnt from her mother and I’m sure it was quite a common idea about a generation ago. Is it what I’m advocating today? Well, not exactly. For example, Rachel you are not committing yourself today to the position ‘whatever Stefan says is right’! No, unlike Christ sometimes he will be wrong and if you see that then you will somehow have to steer things in another direction. Nevertheless you need always to have a submissive spirit.
The interviewer then understandably asked Patti Boyd “Had she become a doormat?” This is the feminist’s great fear. Patti Boyd answers
I think I did slide into the doormat syndrome, most definitely, and what happened one day is I thought, ‘My God, this doormat’s getting thinner and thinner and thinner and unless I do something about it soon, I’m not going to have the strength to get up and ...’ I knew that unless I moved when I moved, I wouldn’t be able to.
Now let’s be clear. Rachel is not committing herself to being a doormat today but you are agreeing to be submissive to Stefan ‘while we both shall live’. Paul puts it this way in 33 the wife must respect her husband. That is what we are chiefly talking about. You have many examples all around to show you how to do that.

Some are in the Bible – eg Sarah and Priscilla and others.

Some you can read about in church history – eg Sarah Edwards and Elizabeth Eliot and others. Closer at hand you have observed your own mother and other godly women.
The same sort of commitment that Rachel is making, as dangerous as it may seem, ought to mark out every Christian wife. May it do so.
2. Stefan and all husbands - it is your calling to love your wife
Again it is very straightforward (25) Husbands, love your wives. Now you notice, Stefan, it doesn’t say ‘Your role is to make sure that Rachel submits’. When you were younger maybe(!) you fought with your brothers. Now I don’t know if you ever got them in a hold and they had to say ‘submit’ or ‘give in’. Well, if so, that is not to be your approach to this marriage! If you ever find yourself saying something like ‘I’m the head of this household’ or ‘I really don’t think you’re submitting as you should be’ then you know you have blown it. Submission is Rachel’s concern, yours is to love her. Husbands, love your wives says Paul.
And again he sets the bar very high. The model is drawn once more from the relationship between Christ and his church - just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
This time he uses a common sense argument too - He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. He backs that up by quoting Genesis (31) "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." When you marry a woman you become ‘one flesh’ with her in all sorts of ways. To fail to love your wife therefore is to hate your own flesh, it is to neglect your own body – it is a form of madness.
I mentioned the Beatles earlier. They loved to sing about love. ‘All you need is love’ they sang. In this matter of loving their wives they often left a lot to be desired but they were right about the need for love. Now, of course, real love is a very practical thing. It does whatever is necessary for the comfort and well being of the other person. My message to you Stefan today then is very simple. 'All you need is love'. You have chosen your love, now love your choice.
3. All of us – let us submit to Christ who is the head of the church and its Saviour
Before we close I just want to say two things more briefly. Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. The way wives should submit to their husbands in everything is as the church submits to Christ. By the church he means the people of God. The head of the church is not the Pope or the Queen or some other human figure but Jesus Christ and all God's people must submit to him. Indeed, we must all submit to him. He is the one Lord and the one Saviour. There is no other.

So not only am I saying to Rachel today – submit to Stefan. I am saying to us all 'submit to Christ', bow down to him as Lord and Master and God. I don't know if you've ever embarrassed yourself when seeing something new and saying something like 'hey, you could use it like this' and then being told that's exactly how it's supposed to be used. Well, in a similar way you may be tempted to say – well, hasn't Paul found a good illustration here. Of course, the truth is that the good who planned and created this world is the one who gave us marriage and one of his purposes in it is to point us to the principle of submission to Christian.

So whenever you see an example of a happily submissive wife, as I'm sure you will see it in Rachel, then think to yourself – that's how I ought to be towards Jesus Christ. I think it will be a great help to you Rachel and other wives to think that is what you are modelling – the church submitting to its Saviour.
4. All of us – let’s recognise Christ’s love for his people leading him to die to make them holy
Then finally the other side of this. When Paul speaks to husbands he says they are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. He speaks too about how Christ feeds his church. Always in our worship the focus should be on Christ and that's where I want to end then. Christ is not only the church's head but its Saviour – there would be no church without him. Think of his love for his people and the way he even went to the extent of dying on the cross for them – so great was his love. And he did it all to make his people holy, to make her clean and radiant and ready for heaven.

Do you know Jesus Christ for yourself? These two do and it has transformed their lives. Any holiness or purity or blamelessness or freedom from blemish you see in them is all because of Jesus Christ and what he has done for them. You too can be pure and unspotted and fit for heaven if you simply look to him. I urge you to it. And if you already believe then don't forget what a wonderful Saviour he is. Your remember it too, Stefan, as you seek in some faint way to echo his saving qualities in this marriage.
As Paul says (32) This is a profound mystery and I don't want to give the impression that there is some simplistic way of talking about these profound things concerning Christ and the church but there is something in it. What ever the case, as it says in 33, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. May it be so in all our marriages.