Wedding of Rhodri and Sibyl
Text: Genesis 2:24 Time: 12/09/09 Place: Childs Hill Baptist Church
Let me begin with a word of explanation. We want to celebrate Rhodri and Sibyl's marriage in various ways today but we've begun with the marriage vows themselves and that in the context of worshipping God. The most important thing in true worship is when God's Word is read and expounded. So although you may have been to weddings where there was no sermon, we're not going to do it that way today. There is a sermon and for the next 25 minutes or so I want us to look together at God's Word. The verse I particularly want to focus on is found in Genesis 2:24. It reads
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Now what I want to do is simply to look at the verse in its context and seek to explain what it says. In doing this I'm speaking especially to Rhodri and Sibyl but indeed to all of us gathered here today before God.
I want to say four main things.
1. Understand that marriage is not a man-made idea but a God given one
We begin with the words For this reason. At this point, it would appear, Moses, who wrote Genesis, adds a comment. Until now he has simply described what happened – how God made the world and particularly the first human beings.
In Genesis 2 he speaks here of how after God had first formed the world, there was no rain and no man to work the ground so God sent streams that came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Then, we read in verse 7, the LORD God formed the first man, the man we call Adam. He used the dust of the ground - no great surprise there as we know that our bodies are made up entirely of materials found in the ground but (and we must never forget this) he also gave man a soul. He breathed it says into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Now this man was put, Moses reliably informs us, in a beautiful, well-watered garden planted by God himself, in Eden. Man's role there was to be to work it and take care of it. Work has always been part of being human – from the beginning. The man was allowed to eat from any tree except for one.
At first it was just Adam, but Moses tells us that, on what must still have been that same sixth day of creation, that (18) The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. That might have made a good text too today - It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Moses then explains how all the animals and birds that God had created were brought ... to the man so that he could name them and he gave names to all of them. That's another characteristically human activity that goes back to the very beginning – naming things, describing and cataloguing them. But, says Moses in verse 20, for Adam no suitable helper was found. And so what happened was that God performed the first ever operation. Using his own anaesthetic he (21-23) caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; while he slept, God took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.
Now I am well aware that many people think this is just a story and they prefer their own stories – however bizarre they may be. However, there is every reason to believe that this is God's Word and that what we are told here is true. This is how it all began – Adam, our first father, we are ll descended from him, being from the ground but with a soul; Adam first then the woman, Eve; the woman to help the man not the man to help the woman; the man and the woman, the first and only couple on earth.
Now you may say “okay you can believe that if you want but what does it have to do with what's happening today?”. Well, that's the point. It is for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, .... You see, you've come here today to wish Rhodri and Sibyl well but you're not necessarily saying that you think this is the only way of going about things. If that's what they want they have your blessing but you're not going to commit yourself any further. And it is very tempting for me to leave it at that. But we're not saying that this is simply a good idea, we're saying more. We're saying this is the right way to go about things, the only right way, the way that God himself ordained. Now I know that is offensive to many people today but I do want you to understand properly what is happening. This is not just a way of doing things, it is the right way, God's way, the way he always intended for human beings.
I was half listening to radio programme the other week on technical manuals for products. They interviewed a man about writing these things – the difficulties, the importance of not making assumptions, etc. Well, imagine a perfect product with a perfect maker's manual. Yes, you could use the product in ways not recommended in the manual but surely the best thing to do would be to follow the maker's instructions. That's what we're endeavouring to do today – to follow the Maker's instructions.
Marriage is as fundamental as there being seven days in a week and one of them being a day of rest; as fundamental as man being both body and soul; as fundamental as his working and naming things. Marriage is not just a good idea, it is a God idea.
2. Realise that it involves a man leaving his parents
So what does it say next? For this reason a man will leave his father and mother. What is happening here today is that we are formally recognising, firstly, that Rhodri is leaving his father and mother. He was born to us nearly 20 years ago now and although he hasn't been literally under our roof quite all that time, he's been our responsibility. Now today that changes. Not that we won't care for you or help you or even offer you a bed from now on – and Sibyl too, of course. I'm sure that goes for Sibyl's parents, Dennis and Josey too, as it's similar for Sibyl. In Psalm 45:10 the Bride is told Forget your people and your father's house.
So formally speaking, we are acknowledging, Rhodri, that you are leaving us, just as I left my parents all those years ago. You are forming a new household, with all the responsibilities that entails. In a similar way, Sibyl, you are leaving your parents to be with Rhodri.
Now again I am aware that not everyone does it this way. In some societies, for example the son doesn't leave his father and mother. Rather, the wife joins his family or more rarely he joins hers and they are both under one patriarch. That is not the biblical pattern. Rather, there is leaving your father and mother to begin a new household. In many ways it is not instinctive. Your mother and father are your own flesh and blood, the person you marry is not necessarily related to you at all – indeed must not be too closely related. Of course, as we shall see, there is more to be said, but it is in some ways counter-intuitive.
It is important to keep in mind this leaving idea. It will do at least two things.
1. It will keep us, as your parents (and Dennis and Josey too) from any temptation to meddle in your affairs. Inevitably, we are going to have differences of opinion on certain things – how you spend your money or organise your home, how you bring up any children, etc. Now it is important that we parents remember that you are leaving and do not try to interfere too much.
2. The other thing this does is to wake you up to your responsibilities. You are now the head of a new household, Rhodri. You are responsible. It's like a fresh start. You've seen us trying to do it and you can see (hopefully) some good examples and (no doubt) places where there could be improvements. It's a daunting thought in some ways – but God will be with you if you look to him.
3. Realise that it involves a man being united to his wife
A man will leave his father and mother is the negative side, really; the positive side comes next - and be united to his wife. The reason why you're leaving us today, Rhodri, is not that you're fed up with us (I trust) or something like that. Rather, it is in order to be united to your wife, to Sibyl. The word Moses uses means to cling or adhere to – like cling film or glue, I guess. It means to join or can be used for running hard after, keeping up with. You need to keep up with each other, we could put it. You two together are now forming a new unit, a new household, by being joined in this way.
You've seen how your own parents did things, you've seen other couples, and, as we said, there are things you like and things you've been less impressed with. Now it's your turn. As long as you seek to follow the patterns laid down in Scripture and as long as you remain committed to both the leaving (leaving your parents) and the cleaving or uniting (Rhodri to Sibyl, Sibyl to Rhodri) then there is plenty of flexibility and a wonderful opportunity for you to do things (hopefully) at least as well but hopefully much better than those who went before.
I think that when you see marriage in these dynamic terms it's really exciting. It's made me quite excited again as I have prepared this. It is not 'just a bit of paper' as some people say. No, it's a covenant of leaving and cleaving, of departing and uniting that is full of potential for the glory of God. Do try always to think of it in that way.
You have not been forced into this. It is your choice to marry each other. It is a reminder to us all that choosing a life partner is one that cannot be taken lightly. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of patience. The important thing for you now though is to be united now to each other in every way. You remember Jesus's famous words that I used earlier Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
4. In marriage the two become one flesh
Then the last bit - and they will become one flesh. Moses takes things a step further here. Yes, a man is united to his wife but, more than that they will become one flesh. You sometimes see these number plate style things on wedding cards, etc – U2R1. That's about right I guess.
Now obviously, this happens on a physical level in sexual union. Great efforts are constantly being made to divorce sex and marriage. Many people today want to see sex as just a way of recreation. “You don't have to be married to have sex” someone may say. No, but then you can drive a car that's not yours or kill your next door neighbour or tell lies, too, and do many other things. 'Can' and Should' are two different words. The fact is that God wants people to enjoy sex in the marriage bed – not anywhere else. Again, it is a question of whether we are going to follow the Maker's instructions or not. You can open a tin of paint with a chisel (I confess I've actually tried it but don't recommend it) - but it isn't good for the chisel!
The idea of becoming one flesh reflects what Adam said when he first saw Eve (23) This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of man. This is not to say that a single person is less than fully human – Jesus himself never married. However, the Bible does a have a very high view of marriage and we should too. There is something essentially wholesome about it. It is a reminder that the first woman was bone of Adam's bones and flesh of his flesh. The very name woman, in Hebrew at least, reflects the fact that Eve was taken out of man – not forgetting at the same time, of course, as Paul reminds us, that every man also comes from woman by being born to them. We are intricately connected.
The verse that follows also ought to be noted (25) The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. These were the days of man's innocence, before sin came into the world. It is not like that now but within marriage there is no shame in nakedness and by God's grace something of that beginning may be recaptured.
Being one flesh, of course, is much more than sexual union. What goes on ideally in marriage is that the two partners, man and wife, are increasingly woven together as one. Just as they entwine their fingers and their bodies so their lives become entwined. Obviously they remain two people but their lives become so intertwined that it is sometimes difficult to know the difference. I have noticed since my mother died how certain things that I thought were very much her are in fact things more characteristic of my dad. I think it is fair to say that this melding process is difficult, especially in the beginning. I'm sure you've heard me say that even walking under the same umbrella arm in arm is almost impossible. You know each other quite well – but you don't know everything about each other and living as one flesh is bound to bring out things not yet discovered. This is how it is to be, however, they will become one flesh or indeed are one flesh or even have become one flesh. It can be translated in different ways.
In the New Testament, in Ephesians 5:28, Paul concludes from this that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He argues He who loves his wife loves himself. For you, Rhodri, to fail to love Sibyl entirely is not only wrong but it is a form of madness. Do love her and never be harsh with her. And you Sibyl, as you know, are to submit to your husband(s) as to the Lord.
So, to conclude - marriage is not a man-made idea but a God given one; it involves leaving your parents and being united to each other so that you become one flesh.
If you are married, remain committed to that marriage.
Marriage is as fundamental as there being seven days in a week and one of them being a day of rest; as fundamental as man being both body and soul; as fundamental as his working and naming things. Marriage is not just a good idea, it is a God idea.
2. Realise that it involves a man leaving his parents
So what does it say next? For this reason a man will leave his father and mother. What is happening here today is that we are formally recognising, firstly, that Rhodri is leaving his father and mother. He was born to us nearly 20 years ago now and although he hasn't been literally under our roof quite all that time, he's been our responsibility. Now today that changes. Not that we won't care for you or help you or even offer you a bed from now on – and Sibyl too, of course. I'm sure that goes for Sibyl's parents, Dennis and Josey too, as it's similar for Sibyl. In Psalm 45:10 the Bride is told Forget your people and your father's house.
So formally speaking, we are acknowledging, Rhodri, that you are leaving us, just as I left my parents all those years ago. You are forming a new household, with all the responsibilities that entails. In a similar way, Sibyl, you are leaving your parents to be with Rhodri.
Now again I am aware that not everyone does it this way. In some societies, for example the son doesn't leave his father and mother. Rather, the wife joins his family or more rarely he joins hers and they are both under one patriarch. That is not the biblical pattern. Rather, there is leaving your father and mother to begin a new household. In many ways it is not instinctive. Your mother and father are your own flesh and blood, the person you marry is not necessarily related to you at all – indeed must not be too closely related. Of course, as we shall see, there is more to be said, but it is in some ways counter-intuitive.
It is important to keep in mind this leaving idea. It will do at least two things.
1. It will keep us, as your parents (and Dennis and Josey too) from any temptation to meddle in your affairs. Inevitably, we are going to have differences of opinion on certain things – how you spend your money or organise your home, how you bring up any children, etc. Now it is important that we parents remember that you are leaving and do not try to interfere too much.
2. The other thing this does is to wake you up to your responsibilities. You are now the head of a new household, Rhodri. You are responsible. It's like a fresh start. You've seen us trying to do it and you can see (hopefully) some good examples and (no doubt) places where there could be improvements. It's a daunting thought in some ways – but God will be with you if you look to him.
3. Realise that it involves a man being united to his wife
A man will leave his father and mother is the negative side, really; the positive side comes next - and be united to his wife. The reason why you're leaving us today, Rhodri, is not that you're fed up with us (I trust) or something like that. Rather, it is in order to be united to your wife, to Sibyl. The word Moses uses means to cling or adhere to – like cling film or glue, I guess. It means to join or can be used for running hard after, keeping up with. You need to keep up with each other, we could put it. You two together are now forming a new unit, a new household, by being joined in this way.
You've seen how your own parents did things, you've seen other couples, and, as we said, there are things you like and things you've been less impressed with. Now it's your turn. As long as you seek to follow the patterns laid down in Scripture and as long as you remain committed to both the leaving (leaving your parents) and the cleaving or uniting (Rhodri to Sibyl, Sibyl to Rhodri) then there is plenty of flexibility and a wonderful opportunity for you to do things (hopefully) at least as well but hopefully much better than those who went before.
I think that when you see marriage in these dynamic terms it's really exciting. It's made me quite excited again as I have prepared this. It is not 'just a bit of paper' as some people say. No, it's a covenant of leaving and cleaving, of departing and uniting that is full of potential for the glory of God. Do try always to think of it in that way.
You have not been forced into this. It is your choice to marry each other. It is a reminder to us all that choosing a life partner is one that cannot be taken lightly. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of patience. The important thing for you now though is to be united now to each other in every way. You remember Jesus's famous words that I used earlier Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
4. In marriage the two become one flesh
Then the last bit - and they will become one flesh. Moses takes things a step further here. Yes, a man is united to his wife but, more than that they will become one flesh. You sometimes see these number plate style things on wedding cards, etc – U2R1. That's about right I guess.
Now obviously, this happens on a physical level in sexual union. Great efforts are constantly being made to divorce sex and marriage. Many people today want to see sex as just a way of recreation. “You don't have to be married to have sex” someone may say. No, but then you can drive a car that's not yours or kill your next door neighbour or tell lies, too, and do many other things. 'Can' and Should' are two different words. The fact is that God wants people to enjoy sex in the marriage bed – not anywhere else. Again, it is a question of whether we are going to follow the Maker's instructions or not. You can open a tin of paint with a chisel (I confess I've actually tried it but don't recommend it) - but it isn't good for the chisel!
The idea of becoming one flesh reflects what Adam said when he first saw Eve (23) This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of man. This is not to say that a single person is less than fully human – Jesus himself never married. However, the Bible does a have a very high view of marriage and we should too. There is something essentially wholesome about it. It is a reminder that the first woman was bone of Adam's bones and flesh of his flesh. The very name woman, in Hebrew at least, reflects the fact that Eve was taken out of man – not forgetting at the same time, of course, as Paul reminds us, that every man also comes from woman by being born to them. We are intricately connected.
The verse that follows also ought to be noted (25) The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. These were the days of man's innocence, before sin came into the world. It is not like that now but within marriage there is no shame in nakedness and by God's grace something of that beginning may be recaptured.
Being one flesh, of course, is much more than sexual union. What goes on ideally in marriage is that the two partners, man and wife, are increasingly woven together as one. Just as they entwine their fingers and their bodies so their lives become entwined. Obviously they remain two people but their lives become so intertwined that it is sometimes difficult to know the difference. I have noticed since my mother died how certain things that I thought were very much her are in fact things more characteristic of my dad. I think it is fair to say that this melding process is difficult, especially in the beginning. I'm sure you've heard me say that even walking under the same umbrella arm in arm is almost impossible. You know each other quite well – but you don't know everything about each other and living as one flesh is bound to bring out things not yet discovered. This is how it is to be, however, they will become one flesh or indeed are one flesh or even have become one flesh. It can be translated in different ways.
In the New Testament, in Ephesians 5:28, Paul concludes from this that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He argues He who loves his wife loves himself. For you, Rhodri, to fail to love Sibyl entirely is not only wrong but it is a form of madness. Do love her and never be harsh with her. And you Sibyl, as you know, are to submit to your husband(s) as to the Lord.
So, to conclude - marriage is not a man-made idea but a God given one; it involves leaving your parents and being united to each other so that you become one flesh.
If you are married, remain committed to that marriage.
If you are not, do consider what God has ordained and respect it.
Rhodri and Sibyl, may you increasingly, day by day, know the joy of living according to this God-given ordinance and may he bless you in it. Amen.
