Cravings: What people rightly want and why they want it
Text Song of Songs 1:2-4 Date 26/01/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist
We began to look last week at Song of Songs or Song of Solomon. We said a number of things by way of introduction. Our main reasons for studying the book are
1. We are surrounded by false images of love and sex and marriage. All of us (single or married, virgins or not, young or old, male or female) need to be clear on this subject.
2. Then there is the matter of intimacy with Jesus Christ. I think this book will be of immense help to believers and unbelievers.
The title Solomon’s Song of Songs tells us at least three things
1. This is a book by or about Solomon. It’s difficult to be sure whether Solomon wrote it but there’s no reason to doubt the tradition. In it he is referred to seven times plus references to the King
2. It’s a song - a pleasant and joyful thing. It is also a useful thing for learning.
3. By song of songs is meant ‘the best of songs’. It’s not only the best Solomon wrote but it is inspired Scripture and so worthy of our careful and diligent study. It has the best subject – Christ.
The song is constructed with two main characters and a sort of chorus. The woman, the Shulamite, the beloved. The man, King Solomon, her lover. From time to time we also have comments from the Friends, the daughters of Jerusalem. In 1:2-4 she speaks of her lover (1-4b) and the friends comment (4b). The verses, perhaps describing the first love between Solomon and the Shulamite, certainly before any marriage, teach us about our approach to love between men and women and to fellowship with the Lord Jesus, the king greater than Solomon whom Solomon foreshadowed.
Sam Goldwyn, the film producer (of MGM fame) apparently once said that a good movie should begin with an earthquake and work to a climax. The Song of Songs is a bit like that. It begins with the woman saying Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth - for your love is more delightful than wine.
Three things then this evening
1. What people rightly desire
Back in 1914 the people of the quiet, conservative town of Lewes, Sussex, on the south coast, were shocked to discover what was on show at the town hall. It was a marble version of Rodin’s famous statue of Dante’s Paulo and Francesca, The kiss! They were taken aback. What a scandal! Many protested at the disgrace. The virtual bombshell that landed then is not dissimilar to the one that explodes in the abrupt and passionate opening here (1:2) as the Beloved blurts out, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.
There's an intensity in the Hebrew (NEB Let him smother me with kisses). She is so intoxicated with him, she doesn't even use his name. Her thoughts are full of him. Who else could him be?
There are kisses of honour, peace, friendship, affection. This kiss has passion, a passion that includes purity. There are kisses on forehead, cheeks, hands, feet, the ground a person treads. This one is on the mouth. Kisses can be from inferiors or equals. She craves a kiss from the King himself
In 1:4 she also says to the King Take me away with you - let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. She not only wants him to come to her but also for her to go to him. Actually she says ‘The king has brought me …’ but the context suggests a wish rather than its fulfilment.
Today, in the western world, lovers can be seen kissing in public. In the east, it is very unusual. In recent years more than one eastern country has talked of outlawing public displays of affection. She wants them to be in private, therefore, in his chambers, so they may share intimacies.
Throughout the world a kiss on the mouth is seen as a passionate, intimate act. Such a kiss, most agree, should be ardent and affectionate. One writer (C N Bovee) said, helpfully, that ‘the passion that is in a kiss’ is what gives it its sweetness, ‘the affection in a kiss … sanctifies it.’ This type of kiss has been called ‘the very autograph of love’. It has a unique nature and symbolism – it is a thing you cannot give without taking nor take without giving. Ingrid Bergman ‘A lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.’
Three things:
1. The woman rightly desires intimacy with the man. Men and women have various emotions or longings. In God’s eyes, these can be right or wrong. Wrong desires or cravings are often perversions of right ones. For example, the inclination to eat or drink is good and necessary. To be drunk or a glutton is neither good nor necessary. Here we discover that what the woman wants is intimacy with the man. She yearns to be with him, near him. She wants to be alone with him. A kiss on the mouth is the most intimate sign of that sort of friendship and this she craves. The king’s chambers are his own private rooms not a public part of his palace. She wants to be with him there.
She is not condemned for such desires. They are perfectly right and proper. It is only when perverted that there is a problem. A conference was once organised on the problem of Internet pornography. Interestingly it was called Searching for intimacy - what most people caught up in such things seek. Desire for intimacy is fine. How some go about seeking it is a major problem.
Creation scientist Henry Morris “... the marvellous phenomena of sexual love and reproduction, with the amazing complex of mechanisms involved, could never have originated by some random evolutionary process. God created it all, and He has, in effect, reminded us of its grandeur by including this beautiful Song in his divinely inspired Scriptures.
Genesis 2:21-25 tells how God put Adam into a deep sleep and from his side made a woman from the rib he'd taken out of the man. He then brought her to the man who declared her to be bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh calling her woman. Led by the Spirit, Moses comments For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
At that time, the man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. However, with the advent of sin male female relationships are affected so that pure and holy desires are perverted. The woman, who is under the spotlight in Genesis 3:16, is told, Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. The idea is of the natural order continuing but with distortions.
Men and women have legitimate cravings for intimacy. God has made us so that we normally enjoy the proximity of others and interaction with them. We desire friendship, company, intimacy, emotional closeness and a sexual relationship with another person. Some Christians have frowned on some of these ideas or tried to pretend such feelings don't exist. This is neither right nor wise.
In 2003, the Church of England Doctrine Commission’s report Being human even suggested that the permissive society is possibly ‘one of the long term consequences of the failure of Christians to maintain a positive Christian view of sexuality as a gift of God in creation’.
The tradition among earlier Christians was pretty much against all sexual desire, even within marriage. With the Reformation there was a return to a biblical understanding and things changed. ‘Luther wanted to liberate the Christian faith from this distortion.’ (Oberman). ‘Whoever is ashamed of marriage’ he wrote ‘is ashamed of being human’. The Puritans believed that ‘it was God who had created people as sexual beings’ (Ryken). A modern writer says ‘The first sexual thought in the universe was God’s not man’s’. Puritans also rightly saw sex as a ‘natural or biological appetite.’ A New England church excommunicated a man for neglecting sexual relations with his wife!
Surely this is a right and biblical approach. We have these longings and although they are often perverted and become sinful, where the desire is for my spouse or, if single, for one particular unmarried person of the opposite sex, they are not in themselves wrong. Desire must not be confused with love, of course, but it is perfectly compatible with it. Paul says to the unmarried and widowed It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am but is equally clear that it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9). Passion is acceptable but like fire it is fine if under control but potentially dangerous if not. American Puritan poet Edward Taylor described his desire for his beloved as like ‘a golden ball of pure fire’. That sums up well.
Presbyterian minister William Smith ‘You cannot read the Song of Solomon and believe that love does not involve hot emotions, physical desire and rich romance.’ When interviewing couples who want to marry he asks first ‘Do you love each other with Song of Solomon love?’
Most people want to have someone to be alone with, to talk to, to share with, to be intimate with. Sometimes, such passions are legitimately fulfilled, at least for a period, in this life. Sometimes not. For a single person to want to fulfil those yearnings or for a married person to legitimately gratify those cravings in the marriage bed, is not sinful (1 Cor 7:3-5) but both natural and right.
Now men and women have such desires. The way God has made us is such that we desire friendship, company, intimacy and emotional closeness. Some Christians have frowned on such an idea or have tried to pretend such feelings don’t exist. This is not wise. We have these desires and although they are often perverted and become sinful, the desire is not sinful in itself. Of course, we all want to have someone we can be alone with, someone to talk to, to share with, to be intimate with. Sometimes such desires are fulfilled in part for a period in this life, sometimes they are not.
2. The woman rightly desires the man to take the lead in this intimacy. It is worth remarking that she not only wants intimacy with the man but wants him to take the lead. Her role in the book is central. She's no shrinking violet here. Rather she's something of an initiator. For some writers this is a problem. In the '50s one commented that such initiative from a woman is ‘never the case in secular love’. Would he write like that today? Right or not, it's important to note that she wants him to kiss her not her to kiss him. She wants him to be instigator. She wants him to take her away not her to take him away. She wants him to take her to his chambers not she to hers or to a neutral place.
This is how it should be, biblically. The Bible teaches male headship. It is reflected here. Often under attacked from unbelievers and sometimes even believers, it is plainly taught in Scripture. Right desires will fall into line with this fundamental pattern, not in a way that makes women second class citizens but one that, while leaving plenty of room for female initiative, willingly submits to male headship in the marriage bond.
When we are children, our needs for intimacy are met, or should be, by our parents or those in loco parentis. They kiss us, keep us, care for us, do all sorts for us. Our duty is to honour and obey them. As we grow older, our appetite for intimacy with someone outside our family grows to varying degrees. Such yearnings are lawful and should be met through marriage and what leads up to it.
It is right for a man to want a woman to be intimate with, for a woman to want a man to bring about this intimacy. Marriage can last a short time or long, a lifetime in many cases. No marriage is perfect but provided the man takes the lead and the wife is submissive, according to biblical patterns, one thing it can do very well is to meet our emotional need for intimacy here on earth. For various reasons some stay unmarried so those desires remain, and must remain, largely unfulfilled on a physical level. To have those cravings is nevertheless right and understandable.
3. The one we should all desire – Jesus Christ. Always in Scripture we should be looking to see how it points us to Jesus Christ. Jesus himself says of the Scriptures They testify about me (John 5:39). All roads lead to London and in the Bible all roads lead to Christ. It is surely fair to say then, in light of these verses, that whatever our situation, it is always right and proper, indeed absolutely vital, to desire intimacy with the Lord Jesus Christ. We were made for God – to be with him and serve him. We should covet the kisses of his mouth. We should yearn to be alone with him, face to face. We should long, in Sibbes’ words, ‘that he would reveal himself everyday more and more’. If you truly know him, you'll want that.
One writer likes to tell the story of a seasoned counsellee coming to him for help. She expected him to discuss her sex life and was surprised he wanted to talk about her prayer life. The two are closely connected, he says. Both are about intimacy. He asserts that a deep horizontal relationship involves aspects of sexuality and a profound vertical one involves prayer. The two interconnect.
Any real longing for the consummation of love in heaven will translate to a desire for God’s kisses on earth. Think of 1 Peter 1:8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
What holds you back from intimacy with Christ? Why do you not want to draw nearer to him? Are you ashamed of him in some way? Is it that you are simply taken up with other things?
Some people never marry and are sorry. They loved and lost or never loved at all. We understand their possible regret. Some marry and, for various sad reasons, the marriage is soon over. To lose out on such intimacies is a loss but a brief and passing one. Far, far more heart-rending is the tragedy of missing out on a relationship with Christ. Nothing can possibly make up for missing out on that. It is a disaster of infinite, eternal proportions. Nothing can compare to intimacy with him. If you've never put your faith in Jesus, do you realise? If you are a believer, are you keeping in mind how precious intimacy with him is? Kiss the Son lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him. Psalm 2:12. Can we say with David How lovely is your dwelling-place O LORD Almighty! Do our souls yearn, faint even, for the courts of the LORD. Can we say my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God? Psalm 84:1, 2
If we've tasted and seen the Lord is good, surely we should have what Sibbes calls ‘an insatiable desire for a further taste and assurance of his love’. Isn’t this the nature of true love? When we consider Christ's infinite riches, we know we've only scratched the surface so far. We should labour for a clearer sight of the Lord. This involves turning from all false teaching, laying aside all worldly distractions and with humility and zeal building on what we have so that, slowly but surely, as we prayerfully serve and know his comfort in sorrow, we increasingly sense his sweetness and love.
Pray ‘Take me away with you’ – ‘draw me’ it is. God says I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness (Jer 31:3). R Brooks ‘The Lord Jesus Christ is the magnet of redeemed souls’. Pray for greater attraction, for further drawings. ‘Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord to thy precious bleeding side.’
Be earnest. He draws, but we must run. Say to your heart ‘let's hurry!’ Don't hang back for a moment. Say “More about Jesus would I know … More of his saving fullness see More of his love who died for me.” Pray the king will bring me into his chambers. Pray ‘Love divine, all loves excelling, Joy of heaven to earth come down! Fix in us thy humble dwelling’; ‘O Jesus Christ grow thou in me and all things else recede’; ‘Thee will I love, my Strength, my Tower … Thee will I love, till the pure fire fills my whole soul with strong desire’. Pray “Compared with Christ, in all beside No comeliness I see; The one thing needful, dearest Lord, Is to be one with Thee.”
2. Why they desire this The second thing here is why people rightly long for such
Two things
1. Why the woman craves intimacy with the man. The woman explains why she craves intimacy with the man in verse 2b, 3 (assuming she speaks throughout 2-4a. The switch from him to you is common. It is called enallage). Why does she yearn for intimacy with him? for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! (Delightful/Pleasing - the same word in Hebrew). Note the pattern
For pleasant is your love, more than wine. The fragrance of your perfumes, pleasant it is.
The word for love here may denote lovemaking rather than emotion. For her, there is nothing to compare with his lovemaking or with his caresses! Later (5:16) she says His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. Here she compares receiving his kisses to drinking wine a powerful metaphor that appears several times in the book and a common one in the ancient near east. There is a play on the similarity of the two Hebrew words and the fact wine flowing over the lips, like a kiss, can produce a delightful sensation and more. There is delight in the bouquet of wine or drinking it, or in a similar experience. To know love and intimacy is even more delightful. Perhaps the intoxicating power of wine is in the background. Love can make you giddy or light-headed.
Having spoken of touch (kisses) and taste (wine) she then talks about his beautiful aroma. This may seem a little odd. Is she saying she is drawn to him by the smell of his aftershave? In a hot climate and before modern plumbing, lotions and perfumes were particularly important. In Hebrew, the words for perfume and name are again similar. She uses this as a picture of what his name or his character is like. Cf Ecc 7:1 ‘A good name is better than fine perfume’.
John Owen comments “As the smell of aromatical spices and flowers pleases the natural sense, refreshes the spirits, and delights the person; so do the graces of Christ to his saints. They please their spiritual sense, they refresh their drooping spirits, and give delight to their souls.” He notes that their hearts are ravished in particular by the ‘precious perfume of his death’.
She did not just like how this man looked; everything about his character drew her. Nor was this only her opinion. The maidens, virgins of marriageable age, all admired him too. How right they are to adore you! says the Beloved at the end of 1:4.
A woman today should be able to speak in a similar way of the man she hopes to marry. She shouldn't be the only one to see what a great catch he is. She shouldn't be so infatuated she takes a fool for a genius, Quasimodo for Prince Charming, a rogue for a knight in shining armour.
She, on one hand, must be looking for the right sort of man. He, on the other, should be of good character – not wimps but upright, honest, holy, respectable, entitled to a woman’s love and esteem.
2. Why we should all seek intimacy with the Lord Jesus Christ. As for why we should seek intimacy with Christ, the answer is obvious. No-one compares with him! No-one begins to match him. He has the name above every name. Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD. They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. (Ps 89:15, 16) The Lord’s name is his character, a character that is matchless. The delights of knowing his love are beyond compare.
In John Newton’s famous words “How sweet the name of Jesus sounds In a believer’s ear, It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds And drives away his fear.” A later hymn says “There is name I love to hear, I love to speak its worth, It sounds like music in my ear, The sweetest name on earth.”
Do you long for the kisses of his mouth? Do you long to be alone with him? If you have any idea of his true worth you surely will. His kisses are for those who, by grace, see his worth, appreciate his significance and value his greatness. Can you say with Asaph (Psalm 73:25) Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you?
Various writers suggest aspects of Christ’s love that make it superior to wine – it can be enjoyed without fear, brings eternal delight, totally satisfies, is supremely beneficial, absolutely pure. For Christians it's hard to read of wine, etc, without thinking of Jesus Christ and the Lord’s Supper with its wine poured, which speaks so powerfully of his life’s blood spilled on the cross to save sinners.
1 John 4:9, 10 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as the one who would turn aside his wrath, taking away our sins.
Psalm 45 says of Christ You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy. All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; from palaces adorned with ivory the music of the strings makes you glad. Our response should be like that in Psalm 63 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
References to perfume remind us of how pure nard was poured on Jesus in preparation for his burial and suggests the earlier pouring out of the Spirit on Christ, especially when we remember the perfumed quality of sacred anointing oil in OT ritual, symbolic of the Holy Spirit.
3. What should we think of such desires in others?
In 4b is what seems to be a comment from the friends, We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. We will praise really means ‘we will remember in order to praise’. The friends are delighted at this love match. They're happy with the attitude of the man and woman and think the lovemaking is an excellent thing - better than wine, symbolic of joy and fellowship.
We also should be glad when we see biblically contoured affection blossom between people. We want to encourage it, not hinder it because we are jealous, disdainful or indifferent. Conversely, we will want to discourage desires for intimacy that are not biblically based. This includes perversions such as fornication, adultery, homosexuality, paedophilia, pornography. Some try to argue that such things are acceptable. Nothing in this Song or anywhere else in the Bible supports such views and everything opposes them. Gal 5:19, Heb 12:16, Col 3:5,6 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, etc; See that no-one is sexually immoral; Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
Those who struggle with such temptations ought not to despair, however, for in Corinth people were converted, it is clear, who had been sexually immoral … adulterers … male prostitutes … homosexual offenders (1 Cor 6:9-11). Many others have been redeemed from similar lives.
Further, we ought to be doing all we can to encourage each other in our love for Christ and in our devotion to him. He should be our joy and delight and whenever we meet someone who loves the Lord, we should be glad. We ought to always speak in the highest terms of what it means to be a Christian. There is nothing better than to know Jesus. What a glorious thing! How marvellous, how wonderful. Nothing greater. What are we doing to promote such things?
Another mention of wine here, especially in the context of remembering (KJV We will remember thy love more than wine) causes believers to think of the Lord’s Supper. Spurgeon once took this text before communion to speak of Christ’s love.
To be a Christian, as intimated, is to relish the character of Christ. It is to identify with words such as these “Jesus, the very thought of Thee With sweetness fills the breast; But sweeter far Thy face to see, And in Thy presence rest.”
