Crisis and Ceremony: A lover lost and found, two lovers married
Text Song of Songs 3 Date23/02/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist
We are looking at Solomon’s Song of Songs on Sunday mornings. It is a poem about the love between King Solomon and the Shulamite, the Lover and his Beloved. There is some debate about this but we are seeking to learn from it by seeing how it relates to us both on the horizontal and vertical levels. We believe it has something to teach us about personal human relationships, especially marriage, but it is also a vivid picture of the relationship between God and his people, Christ and his church, which is very often pictured for us in Scripture in terms of a relationship between a man and his wife.
Most commentators are agreed in seeing a break between 3:5 and 3:6. What we read in 1:1 to 3:5 really deals with the courtship between the Beloved and her Lover, the woman and the man. Up until 3:5 it is all anticipation. From 3:6 we are dealing with the wedding day itself and beyond. The wedding day has an important place in the whole story. It's not the day when love began or necessarily the most important day of the marriage but it is a significant day, a day that is noted and a great fuss made. Many rebel against such ideas, especially in our day. Yet from every point of view marriage between a man and a woman makes sense. Simply slipping into a live-in relationship is not a good idea. It often doesn't work. Though the divorce rate is high in this country there are many, many more failures when people simply live together. There is also evidence to say that when a couple live together before getting married, divorce is more likely. Far better, far wiser to follow the biblical pattern and set a specific day when a public meeting takes place, when formally and pointedly the marriage between a man and a woman begins.
What I want us to do then this morning is to look at the whole of Chapter 3. It divides into two obvious parts, one before the wedding and one after. In verses 1-5 we consider a lover lost, then in verses 6-11 we begin to look at two lovers married. This time I want to put full emphasis on the vertical lessons here – our relationship with the Lord. Here we learn very useful things both about the experience of spiritual desertion and about the wedding procession that is the Christian life.
1. A lover lost – experiences to be aware of
There are three consecutive experiences that come out here.
1. Be aware of the distressing experience of a lover lost.
Because the verse begins All night long on my bed (or ‘night after night on my bed’) it is generally agreed that the sequence of verses beginning at 3:1 probably describes a dream or a series of recurring dreams. Our dream life is always a fascinating subject with a certain amount of mystery. For whatever reason, it would seem that whenever we go into a deep sleep, dreaming takes place. Sometimes we remember these dreams, sometimes not. Those who are lighter sleepers tend often to remember their dreams, while heavy sleepers do not. Sometimes we appear to have forgotten a dream when something will happen to trigger the memory and we recall part or all of the dream.
For lovers a great question is often ‘Did you dream about your loved one?’ The idea is that if you are thinking about your loved one every waking hour then it is no surprise that you think about them when you’re asleep too. There are even old wives tales about how you can guarantee that you'll dream about your loved one if you follow certain superstitious procedures. In reality, even the most ardent lovers sometimes find they never dream about their beloved ones or at least they can’t remember the dreams or (perhaps this has happened to you as seems to be the case here at first) they do dream about their beloved one but the dream is rather disturbing and unsatisfying. This can be especially so, as in the case here, where the wedding day is fast approaching and understandably there are nerves and fears. People can have what psychologists call fear-fulfilment dreams – not exactly nightmares but something close to it. Nothing seems to go right. The prospective Bride dreams she turns up in a tatty old dress, the groom dreams of arriving only to be told his bride has not, etc.
Throughout these verses the beloved speaks of the one my heart loves (1, 2 and 3). It is the same as the phrase she uses back in 1:7 translated there you whom I love. She loves to use this potent phrase – the one my heart loves. This raises the question for all of us – who do you love with your heart? Not only on the horizontal level but much more importantly on the vertical level. Does your heart love Jesus? Is your soul devoted to him? That is how it should be if we profess to be Christians. We should have an ardent desire for him. How that affects our dream life is not so important but how it effects our lives when we are awake is very important indeed.
What happens here is that although all night long the Shulamite looks for the one her heart loves she has to say I looked for him but did not find him. Firstly, we note the intensity of her love. She has to find him now. She can't go back to sleep, as it were, and resume her search in the morning. She has to find him immediately. Secondly, her search is fruitless. She longs to see him but she cannot. She searches for him but he is nowhere to be found.
It is probably only a dream but it brings out very vividly what it is to lose one whom you truly love.
On the horizontal level first - we think of broken engagements (never desirable) or worse, families torn apart by divorce or by death. We ought to have the fullest sympathy for anyone in such a position.
But then, on the vertical or spiritual plane, think of what it is like to go through a period of apparent spiritual desertion. Here is a truly converted believer. He reads the Word but it doesn’t seem to come home to him as it once did. He prays but he feels as though his prayers are going no higher than the ceiling. He’s not getting through. Such a person will usually still come to church but there seems to be a deadness on them. It is not like it once was. That sort of experience can come to a believer. It happens for various reasons. It is sometimes referred to as the dark night of the soul. It does not mean that such a person has lost his salvation or is no longer in union with Christ but there is a loss of communion. It produces thoughts such as these.
Where is the blessedness I knew when first I saw the Lord?
Where is the soul refreshing view of Jesus and his word?
What peaceful hours I once enjoyed! How sweet their memory still!
But now I feel an aching void, the world can never fill. William Cowper
It is similar to what the psalmist describes in Psalms 42-44 (see especially 42:9-11a and 44:23, 24 for a corporate experience of this). Do you know something of that distressing experience? It happens to believers just as it happened to this woman. Such a passage is here to show us what to do in such a situation.
2. Be aware of the testing experience of seeking for a lover lost.
Because of this situation the Beloved decides to do something. Throughout she is very practical, very earnest. She decides on a very careful, thorough and methodical search for him. (2) I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. She is determined. Cf Psalm 42:11.
The same sort of attitude ought to be there when it comes to the loss of a lover for any of us.
Firstly, on the horizontal level. Now obviously where a situation is beyond repair – eg when a partner dies - this verse can't be applied directly, although there is a lot to be said for remarriage in many cases and may be there is an application there. However, there are many other situations where things may be in the balance. You look like losing the one your heart loves. Well, do not sit back and leave it. Be up and doing what you can to win that person back. Where did things start to go wrong? Are there sins to repent of? Where can things be put right?
Vertically, the same can be said. When we feel deserted by Jesus it’s often because we first deserted him. We need to retrace our steps and consider where things began to go wrong. We need to be determined to meet with Christ and find communion with him afresh. It’s a matter for earnestness, thoroughness, great effort from us until the situation’s resolved. This is true individually and corporately. We must do all we can.
She goes on, however, So I looked for him but did not find him. Again we see the immediacy, the impulsiveness. Yet how frustrating, how distressing. She looks everywhere – the open squares, the back streets and sidestreets but he is nowhere to be found. She hunts high and low but he's not there.
We cannot suppose reconciliation is ever easy. There are no guarantees on the horizontal level.
We must not suppose that Christ is always easily found either. There can be times in a believer’s life when Christ seems very distant and far from us. True union with Christ can never be severed but there may be loss of communion.
She tells us in verse 3 that The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. People are not supposed to be out on the streets at this time of night so the watchmen go to challenge her. Before they can say anything she blurts out her question Have you seen the one my heart loves?
Perhaps we can see how anyone who is in real earnestness to find communion with Christ again will inevitably speak to others about it, especially Christian ministers – those whose work is to keep watch over the City of God. It is perhaps not an easy thing to talk about but if we really love the Lord we will want to.
Something similar could be said on the horizontal level. Sometimes married and courting couples do need counselling. We shouldn’t be ashamed if that is thought necessary. By going to counsellors I don't mean Relate or other professionals necessarily but good Christians who can talk things through with a couple where that's necessary. It can be very helpful especially for a younger couple to talk with an older couple.
3. The happy experience of finding a lover lost.
Finally, in verse 4, we have the denouement as she reveals Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. At last she had discovered him. Here he is! I held him she says and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me. She is rewarded with the presence of her lover back in her childhood home. What distress losing her lover had caused her. Now, having found him again she is determined not to let him go. She hugs him. She holds on to him. She is determined that he should accompany her home.
Reconciliations do occur on the horizontal level. We should not automatically assume all is up when things go wrong. Pray for strong marriages in the church, locally and nationally. Pray against all that would undermine it. Do nothing to undermine anyone’s marriage – yours or those of others.
4. A warning conclusion. What heights and depths she had experienced. Even though it was only a dream she had been very involved emotionally – going down to the depths of sadness at her loss and rising to the heights of joy at finding her lover again. One modern writer says ‘Love not only brings a greater experience of joy but a deeper capacity for pain as well.’ This is probably why in verse 5 she repeats the warning previously found in 2:5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Love can be an emotional roller coaster. We need to be prepared for its contrasting highs and lows. That is why, although it often happens, it is not ideal for a young teenager to be pre-occupied with such matters. They are already facing many emotional changes and tests without introducing a further element. If a child can possibly get through those early teen years without awakening or arousing love then that is all to the good. Sadly, many are determined that will not be the case and especially on the Internet and TV are constantly pumping out propaganda to say that if you are not busy falling in love you are not really living the life of a teenager. We can do without such nonsense. A level of emotional maturity is very desirable before we start thinking seriously about love and marriage. That means to say that we will take care both with our own emotions and those of any we consider approaching on this level.
It is good for those who are young Christians or not yet converted to know that there are ups and downs in the Christian walk. It is never perfectly smooth walk to heaven. There are difficulties. We must expect these.
2. Two lovers married - a wedding procession to consider
In 3:6-11 we have a description of the wedding procession into Jerusalem which is followed (in Chapter 4) by festivities at the Royal Palace. Here we need to think of a royal procession rather than a traditional English wedding. It was common in that time and place for brides and grooms together or apart to proceed to the wedding place with great pomp and circumstance. This is unusual anyway. Whereas most often at weddings all eyes are on the bride, here it is quite different. All eyes are on the groom.
1. Consider a wedding procession out of the desert and on to glory.
In 3:6-11 either the woman or a crowd of onlookers speak and describe Solomon and his cortège travelling along the road from the desert (ie open uncultivated country) into Jerusalem. From the walls of the city perhaps we look up and what do we see? 6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant? It is not clear at first but it becomes clear that this is the Bride and Groom. A great pillar of smoke is arising at the head of the procession. All sorts of beautiful smelling incense and spices are burning in the air. This was done in processions but this is unique. The pillar of smoke reminds us of the presence of God with his people in the desert. The various perfumes speak of God's glory too. Here we see a picture of Christ bringing his church out of the desert of this world into the glory of heaven and the marriage supper of the Lamb to come. That is how we ought to think of our lives here as Christians, going on from glory to glory in a wedding procession.
2. Consider a wedding procession that focuses on the groom.
Soon it becomes obvious where the focus is. Perhaps it is the Beloved who speaks now. 7, 8 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by 60 warriors, the noblest of Israel, all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. It is Solomon the King! He is surrounded by his choicest band of warrior soldiers, 60 in all. They wear their swords in a ceremonial way today but they are experienced fighters and no-one dare attack. This is not an empty display of nobility and prowess. These men are well able to protect the King and his bride from every danger, whether it comes by day or by night. They remind us of the angels that we know are at Christ’s command ready to do his will at any time. This reminds us that God’s people are safe as they travel to the Marriage Supper.
As the procession comes nearer, more can be seen and more details are given. In verses 9, 10 we learn more about the carriage, the litter or palanquin. King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon. Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem. It is made of the best wood – cedar wood from Lebanon. It has silver posts and a gold base. Inside its seat has been lovingly upholstered in purple with careful inlaid work all around – the work of the daughters of Jerusalem. Here is something more of the glory of the Christian life. In splendour and in comfort God provides for his people. He carries them all the way. They respond in love and lovingly adore him as the daughters of Jerusalem.
3. Consider a wedding procession that culminates in a day of crowning and joy. Finally, the procession arrives in Jerusalem and the shout goes up Come out, and look, you daughters of Zion. Look on King Solomon wearing a crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced. The Bride is not mentioned. Her description comes later. There are horizontal applications here, of course – male headship is clear. The joy of Christian marriage is also evident. However, let’s concentrate on Christ to close. All eyes are on the king here. He wears the royal crown. There was nothing to compare with it. It is fascinating that it is the King’s mother who puts the crown on his head. In Solomon’s life it was Bathsheba who would have done that. What does the term mother point to when we think of Christ? Not Mary but all those who do his will – the church, his people. The crowning day that’s coming by and by is the day when we will crown him as believers. What a day of unmitigated joy it will be. We ought to think often of it. Meanwhile we ought to be looking forward to that day and seeking to give all glory to him. In regard to splendour and to comfort, God amply provides for us. He carries us all the way. The appropriate response is love and adoration.
We who together form Christ’s Bride must obey him now, knowing we will give him all glory in the world to come. ‘The crowning day is coming by and by’ when believers will ‘crown him with many crowns, the Lamb upon his throne’. What a day of unalloyed delight that will be. We ought to meditate often on it.
