Coming together - the nature of true love
Text Song of Songs 2:3-17 Date16/02/20 Place Childs Hill Baptist
We have begun to look at the Song of Solomon and I've suggested to you that the proper way to understand it is on both a horizontal and human level and a vertical and spiritual level. It has a great deal to teach us all about both human relationships, especially between man and wife, and about intimacy with God himself through the Lord Jesus Christ. We've begun looking at it then in these two ways. We have looked at Chapter 1 where we considered
1. What people rightly desire and why. What people rightly desire is intimacy. They desire this because they find objects worthy of their desire – supremely in Jesus Christ.
2. How people should see themselves and what they should desire. There should be a mixture of humility and confidence as we live in a fallen world. It is right to desire intimacy.
3. The model of kingly courtship here on both the human and spiritual levels.
4. The model of submissive devotion here on both the human and spiritual levels.
5. The model of royal fellowship here noting the interplay of praise and response, fellowship and freedom and realisation and further praise.
This week I want us to look at Chapter 2 on similar lines. Once again the verses are full of sensual imagery. We need not only to see what is described – trees, fruit, gazelles, hills, banqueting halls, rocks, etc but hear and smell them too – foxes, doves, lilies, grapes, etc.
1. Realise that true love is full of desire but must also be patient
1. True love holds its object in high esteem and longs for the benefits of intimacy
In verses 3-13 the woman speaks again. She begins by saying Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. An apple tree (it may be some other fruit tree) gives delicious fruit and restful shade and so stands out among the trees of a forest. This is the image she chooses to describe her beloved. It is an interesting parallel with what he has just said of her. In true love the lovers must see each other as unique. She adds I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. To be in the presence of her beloved is pure delight – it is both pleasant and restful and edifying.
Do you hold the one you love in high esteem? Is your husband/wife or intended husband/wife someone you esteem? Do you long for intimacy with him? Are you happy to be in his shade, as it were? Are you eager for the fruit he can offer? That is how it should be between man and wife or prospective man and wife.
Do you also hold Christ in high esteem? Do you see that he is unique? Do you think of him as being like an apple tree compared with other trees? Do you long for intimacy with him? Do you long to rest in him and enjoy the fruit of the Spirit that he alone can give? He can protect you from harm and feed you like no other. Go to him always.
2. True love looks forward to that intimacy
In verses 4-6 the beloved expresses her longings for intimacy as she looks forward to that coming point in her relationship with her beloved. She looks forward to such intimacy
With confidence. 4 Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. This has become a famous verse in more recent years but what does it mean? At Jewish weddings bride and groom are usually married under a canopy and that may be the reference. In days gone by actual banners were used especially in battle. A regiment’s colours, an army’s standard was used as a rallying point for troops, being easy to see form far away. Here she envisages the king taking her into his banquet hall with a banner at the head of the procession proclaiming their love. This is a very public thing then, very open. She is confident that is how it is and how it will be. A love affair should almost always be a public thing. More often than not if it is kept secret then it is because there is something illicit about it or there is a problem on one side or the other. Obviously something may begin secretly and there is need for discretion and decorum but it should not continue like that for any length of time. We can say this about both human love and love to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you love someone you should be confident that they will own up to it too. If there is a fear that he or she would deny it if asked to own it then that relationship is not going anywhere and is better abandoned. Similarly, there ought to be an openness about love to Christ. He certainly shows no shame in owning the names of those who follow him. Though they are nothing but poor country girls, as it were, he welcomes them to his banqueting house. His love for them is evident to all.
The banqueting image itself is also very rich, especially when we think of Christ. To become a Christian is to enter Christ’s banqueting house under his banner of love. What rich delights are here.
With yearning. In verse 5 she says Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. It is a common enough phenomenon when a person falls in love for them to be unable to eat or to grow faint with love, lovesick as we say – the emotional turmoil has a physical effect on them. The Shulamite cannot take much more and asks for fruit (or food of some sort) to eat to sustain her. Now you may have known something of this on the human level but what about yearnings for Christ? Have you ever longed for him like that? Have you ever been almost ill in your desperation to meet with Christ? Why are our longings and yearnings for him not greater? Think of David in the psalms. 42:1, 2 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 84:1, 2 How lovely is your dwelling-place, O LORD Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. That is how we should long for God.
With longing. In verse 6 she describes lying down with her beloved so that His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. This is probably before they marry and she is longing for this moment rather than describing what has already happened. She longs for intimacy with her beloved. She longs for his support. On the human level it is right that there is confidence, yearning and longing for intimacy. There is something wrong if those feelings are absent. They need to be handled carefully but they should be there. On the spiritual level, there also ought to be confidence, yearning and longing for intimacy. Do we longer to draw nearer and nearer to Christ? Do we pray
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord to the place where thou hast died
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord to thy precious bleeding side?
We ought to.
3. However, true love must always show great patience
But then in verse 7 we have the balance. The beloved turns to the daughters of Jerusalem and she issues a warning note. Daughters of Jerusalem, she says I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: (it is not clear what this oath means although the reference to female deer matches others to male ones and so are appropriate images of patience) Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. When we talk about such feelings we must always be very careful. We all have these feelings to a greater or lesser extent. We have these desires and needs. Now the world argues that if it feels good you should do it. It urges us to go with our feelings regardless of any other considerations. That is a recipe for disaster. There are great problems with attempting to go down that road. We are sinners and it is the easiest thing in the world for such feelings to become impure and improper and lead us far astray. Further there is the whole matter of timing. In any relationship there are obviously two people and therefore there is a need for co-ordination. Even the simplest thing like walking down a road holding someone’s hand or sharing an umbrella is not as easy as you might think. The whole process of becoming one – living under the same roof, sharing the same bed – is a major undertaking. You cannot assume that any person who happens to take your fancy can become your husband or wife just like that. People who live with that belief are bound to run into trouble and heartbreak. No, it is important that we take care not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Love is a very tender plant and needs to be allowed to develop at its own pace.
When people try to hurry love it’s a bit like the little boy who decided to help the butterfly out of the chrysalis – it doesn’t work. Even the world has some idea of this. Back in the sixties the Supremes sang a song where a woman bewails her loneliness and longing for love in these terms
How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart to break?
No, I cant bear to live my life alone, I grow impatient for a love to call my own, etc.
It then adds
But when I feel that I, I can’t go on, Well these precious words keep me hanging on I remember mama said ‘You can’t hurry love No you’ll just have to wait’ She said ‘love don’t come easy It’s a game of give and take.’
She sounds like a wise mother whoever she was. Children must be allowed to be children. Great pressures are on them to grow up too quickly these days. Children, don’t be unduly anxious about who you will marry and similar questions. There will be plenty of time to think about those things. Are you unmarried but you would like to be married? Be patient. Wait. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desire. You may never marry. Bear that possibility in mind. Are you married? You know that you need to be patient too – in a different way, of course, but if there is no patience, if there is no waiting until the right moment, then that will lead to frustration and pain too. Are you a believer? We all need to be patient too. We are living in the ‘Now and the not yet’ period. Like young unmarried lovers we've already met with Christ. We know him and walk with him. However we are waiting for the wedding day. We await the day of his return – the consummation of all things. Until then we need patience. We need to be quiet and submissive as we long for his return.
2. Recognise that for true lovers there is nothing better than to be with each other
In verses 8-13 the beloved continues to speak. She describes the coming of her lover and how he speaks to her. Again it is full of instruction both on the horizontal and vertical levels.
1. Consider how a true lover comes to his beloved. 8, 9 Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. She imagines him coming to visit her. It works on two levels. Literally, he bounds across the hills, probably on horse back. He then knocks at her door, eager to gain admittance. Beyond that is an even more intimate picture of him becoming very physically intimate with her. The keynotes here, however, are enthusiasm, eagerness, excitement, interest. Is that how you come to your beloved? From first to last in a relationship that eagerness and keenness should remain. Obviously it shows itself in a more obvious way at first but it should never be lost. This is how the Lord Jesus comes to his people. Too often we come to him sluggish and slow, lacking in motivation. But not him. He bounds over the hills that stand between us. They seem to us to bar the way but he bounds over them and comes to us. He stands at the door and knocks longing to be admitted. He peers into our very souls, so eager is he for intimacy. What a lover he is. How slow we are to appreciate him and desire him. Our views of him are often obscured and distorted but these verses assure us that he is most eager to meet with us.
2. Consider how a true lover speaks to his beloved. Then in verses 10-13 the lover speaks. What beautiful poetry he pours forth. My beloved spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. This is the burden of his message. He speaks to his beautiful one. She has been indoors too long. The winter weather has kept her inside. He takes hold of her, lifts her up and takes her outside with him. See! he says The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig-tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me. It’s springtime! Spring has sprung. Look at the flowers. Listen to the birds singing. See the fruit on the trees and feel the warmth of the sunshine. It’s not hard for us to think about such things at the moment as it is all happening around us.
In the minds of poets Spring has long had an association with falling in love. Falling in love is sometimes referred to as spring fever. It is the time of year when young men often wake up to realise that there are beautiful young women about. All through the winter they had hardly noticed them but now in the sunshine they seem to be blossoming like the trees. The connection between spring and love is the idea of freshness and beauty, liveliness and colour. When two people are in love, whether it is winter or summer there is spring in the air – everything is alive and bright.
Have you heard the voice of Jesus coming to you like that in his Word? Arise, my darling, he says my beautiful one, and come with me. He can banish the dolefulness and drudgery of winter. He can bring life and vigour and hope and joy into your life if you will simply let him take your hand. He does that for the unbeliever when such a person comes to trust in him for the first time. He does it again and again when he renews and refreshes those who are in him. He makes everything new. Oh look to him and be renewed.
3. Consider these four characteristics of true love
The last four verses of Chapter 2 seem to be spoken by the man and then the woman. Their words bring out four basic characteristics of true love.
1. The desire to see and hear your beloved.
In verse 14 the Lover says My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding-places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. The image is of a rock pigeon hiding in the clefts of a rock or hill. The Lover imagines his beloved is one of these creatures. He wants to find her. He wants to see her and to hear her. He loves the sound of her voice which is so sweet to his ear and he loves the look of her face which is so lovely.
Now this may seem a little obvious but in true love the lovers like both to look at each other and to hear each other’s voices. Sometimes an irrational fear will come over a single Christian – what if the Lord wants me to marry someone I don’t like the look of or whose voice I can’t stand. No, when the Lord calls two people to marry he expects them to like the way they look and sound to each other. These are not the only factors, of course, but they are important. If you are going to spend 40 or 50 years with a person it is best that you find them pleasant to look at and sweet to listen to. God has so made us that we all have different faces and different voices. Some are more obviously beautiful than others but beauty is in the eye of the beholder as we say. Of course, the beauty of a voice or face can be lost. There is a warning in Proverbs 21:9 (25:24) Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
On a more spiritual level we see here that the Lord loves to see us and hear us. Here is an encouragement to come to him and worship him and especially to pray to him. It's hard to imagine how the Lord can have any delight in hearing us but we know how delightful it is to see and hear a small child asking questions and talking to us and perhaps we should think of it something like that. More appropriately here there is the way ‘sweet nothings’ can be spoken in a lover’s ear and give great joy. I remember my courting days running up huge bills on the 'phone to Aber. What did we talk about for so long? Nothing really. Just to talk was enough. If only we had the same sort of desire for prayer and worship.
2. A determination to deal with anything that would mar the relationship. Then in verse 15 there is a warning note. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. The vineyards are the lovers themselves. It is Spring and the vineyards are in bloom. It is a happy time but what if the foxes, especially the little ones, get in to the vineyards and start eating the grapes? They must be dealt with. The lover doesn’t say ‘I’ll catch them’ but he instructs his beloved Catch for us the foxes …. You deal with them for both our sakes. Or perhaps ‘Let us catch …’. These foxes symbolise the various, sometimes quite little things that can get in and play havoc with a fruitful relationship. We can think of the little foxes of jealousy and lack of self-control and selfishness and mistrust and pride and lack of willingness to forgive. Such little foxes need to be caught before they do damage. I was walking through the park late at night recently when I saw a little fox. It’s a bit unnerving. You assume they’ll run away like a cat but you think what if he comes at me? Catching a fox is not easy. They have sharp teeth. We need to be careful. Such foxes need to be dealt with, however. It's no good saying ‘Oh it is only a little one’. Little foxes grow into big ones and even little ones can do much damage. Hunt them down. Kill them before they kill you.
3. Mutual love. Here is another famous verse 16 My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. It is very simple. There is a mutual love here. He loves me and I love him. I belong to him and he belongs to me.
In a love which cannot cease, I am his and he is mine.
Even when her beloved is away from her he is browsing among lilies. He is strong and manly yet surrounded by beauty. Perhaps we should see him here as a stag or a gazelle again but this time not bounding toward her but grazing. Where there is real love its pace varies – there are times of great passion and times of calm and quiet reflection. Do you have that confident love toward Christ? It is a great prize, one we ought to covet.
4. A longing for even greater intimacy. Finally, she looks forward again to the day of consummation. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, she says turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills. Here she imagines her beloved as a gazelle or a young stag again and him coming to her. Now he browses among the lilies but soon he'll come for her. She looks forward to it. This is how husband and wife should think of one another when they are apart. This is how young lovers should look forward to their wedding day. This is how believers should look forward to Christ's return. Are we looking forward like that? Are we longing for the glorious day of betrothal?
