Beginning and maintaining a covenant relationship of love

Text Song of Songs 8:5-14 Date 18/09/22 Place Childs Hill Baptist

We come this week to the last section of Song of Solomon. Again, I want to consider what we learn about the love story between King Solomon and his beloved Shulamite and their covenant relationship of love, both in light of what it teaches on the horizontal level and what it teaches on the vertical level, ie what it teaches about human love and marriage and what it teaches about the relationship between Christ and his church, the people of God. Previously we’ve had sometimes quite lengthy speeches fairly easy to identify, mainly from the Bride and her Lover. Here we have a series of speeches in rapid succession from various speakers. These are not always so easy to assign. Probably the NIV is right in identifying six different speeches – three from the woman, two from the Friends in verses 5a and 8, 9 and one from the Lover in verse 13. How ever we divide things we get the impression of a coming together and a certain concluding togetherness. The passage raises four useful questions for us.

1. How should a covenant relationship of love continue?

We begin with the chorus, by means of a question, drawing attention to the Beloved walking along, on the arm of her Lover, coming up out of the wilderness. 5a Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? Back in 3:6 we had a similar reference when the marriage procession was described. Here the question is asked again and this time we see that still, at this more mature period in their marriage, the Bride is leaning on her husband. She puts all her weight on him. This is a powerful picture firstly of marriage itself but also of the relationship between Christ and his church. There are three things to note in particular.

1. They are together 2. They are leaving the wilderness behind 3. The Beloved leans on her Lover

This is how a marriage should be. We are not saying that husbands and wives need to be physically in one anther’s company 24 hours a day but they do need to spend time together and to be together in other respects too. Always a marriage should be going forward and where there are barren patches, dry and fruitless times, then they must be left behind by the grace of God. The normal pattern is that the woman should lean on the man, not the other way round. Although in one sense it works both ways, he should be a source of strength to his wife. She is to be treated (as the New Testament exhorts) as the weaker vessel. Ideally, the way forward in marriage is to leave the wilderness behind, to stay together and for the wife to lean more than ever on her husband in Christ. Problems come in marriage when there is no progress, when there is no togetherness or when the husband fails to shoulder his responsibilities as he ought to.

Certainly, when we come to the relationship between Christ and his church that is the situation. We must always lean on him. He is the one who supports us and leads us out of the wilderness and on to heaven as together we share his easy yoke. It is a question to ponder Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? It is the Lord Jesus Christ and his church, the people of God heading for home in the company of its one Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Is Christ leading you out of the wilderness? Are you with him? Are you leaning evermore heavily on him? That's the way forward for a Christian. This is how we must go forward as individuals and as a church.

2. What will enable a covenant relationship of love to continue?

So here is our basic principle for going on in a covenant relationship of love but what can we learn here about what we need to do to go on? We can say three things in particular.

1. Remember how it began

The woman then speaks next or is it the man? Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labour gave you birth. It is probably the case that one of them is recalling their first meeting. One is sleeping under an apple tree when he or she is awakened by the other. Bearing in mind the spiritual application which we believe is appropriate to this portion of Scripture it is tempting to assume that it is the Lover who speaks. It is appropriate to think of her as being asleep – exhausted perhaps but certainly dead to his charms. Then he comes to her and awakes her and she was, as it were, conceived and born. That was the beginning of life. If you are a Christian you may not be exactly sure when you were converted but you can at least remember the first time you were really sure that you were or when you first awoke to your spiritual situation. Such a memory is precious and ought to be recalled. There you were dead to God and to life in Christ but then the Lord came and awoke you. He gently raised you up and you were born again.

However, it is probably more likely that it is the woman who is speaking. She has referred to him before as an apple tree and it may be that she is speaking of him by using this term. Otherwise, she has in mind simply a fruit tree and all that evokes of romance. Spiritually speaking, she is recalling, as she has before, the coming of Christ into this world and her discovery of him by the grace of God. It is good when we remember, as best we can, how it all began. How excited we were to discover Christ, asleep as it were. How eager we were to awake him and receive his blessings. That is how it should go on.

There is an application to marriage too. There is probably no such thing as love at first sight but there is certainly attraction at first sight and many couples can talk about how they first met and the feelings they had even then for one another. Some, of course, knew one another for many years before there was any serious thought of marriage. Every couple has its story. You children you might like to ask mam and dad their story if you don’t know it. I’m sure that it is generally a good thing to keep in mind how it all began. Marriages can hit difficult times and sometimes the best antidote to troubles is just to remind yourself of what attracted you to your husband or wife in the first place. Of course, some marriages get off to a shaky start and it’s better in some ways not to dwell on how it all began, although God turns situations around remarkably at times even in seemingly hopeless situations and it is to such turning points that attention must be directed.

2. Nurture it with the right desires

In verses 6 and 7 it is generally agreed that it is certainly the Bride speaking. She sums up the whole theme of the Song and brings it to a climax, Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. So here we have an earnest request to the Lover prompted by a realisation of the nature of true love.

We look at the earnest request first. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm she prays. In ancient times seals were used by important people, especially kings, as a quick and easy yet unique means of identifying their authorship and ownership. By means of a ring or a pattern engraved on a pendant or bracelet, a seal could be impressed in wax marking ownership. There is also some evidence that lovers would exchange seals. Her prayer then is that she might belong uniquely to her Lover, that she might be his alone. She seeks such assurance.

In marriage it is important that there is such assurance. Not only must the relationship be an exclusive one in terms of there not being a closer relationship with anyone else but there must be a willingness not to let anything else so dominate that the husband or wife is put into second place. To desire assurances that this is the situation is right and good. Similarly, this is an appropriate prayer for us to address to Christ Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. We want every assurance that we really are his. The greater our assurance, the more certain it is, the better. Let’s seek it earnestly.

3. Understand the nature of true love

She makes this request because she truly loves him. She describes her love for him using several images to express how strong it was. Some take it to rather to be a description of his love to her. Perhaps we are wisest to see it as a description of true love that will manifest itself in similar ways wherever it occurs.

Its strength - as great as death. Think of the power of death. Slowly but surely it picks us off one by one. None of us can escape it, none of us can escape it. Love is as strong as that. For love is as strong as death. We see it supremely in Christ and his love for his own. He even went to the point of dying on the cross in order to save his own. Because he first loved us, as believers, we ought to love him too with a strong and enduring love. In marriage husbands have the model of Christ’s love for his church and wives that of what the church ought to show to Christ.

Its intensity – as unyielding as the grave. Its jealousy unyielding as the grave. True love is as determined as the grave itself. Nothing can overthrow it or defeat it. It will win out. We tend to think of jealousy as a bad thing and, of course, in fallen sinful man it can go out of control but jealousy itself is right and proper. True love brooks no rivals. God is a jealous God and he will have no rivals for his people’s affections. In response we ought to be jealous for his honour also. All this should be reflected in marriage. Woe to that person who tries to interfere with the marriage of another and arouse their jealousy. We do not condone murder but it is true that some people have lost their lives in such a move.

Its passion - as unquenchable as blazing fire. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Fire is another powerful force. You have seen film of forest fires in America and other countries. Despite their best efforts fire fighters cannot hold the flames back. You have seen, perhaps at close quarters what devastation fire can cause. That’s what true love is like. Do what you may to dampen it down, to quench it or quell it, yet still it thrives. It blazes and flames. Even when you think it has died right down, the embers can be fanned into flame again and the blaze is raised once more. The phrase mighty flame is literally ‘Flame of the LORD’. God is love. He has a passionate, unstoppable love for his own. Again this ought to be part of marriage. We sometimes speak of keeping the flames of passion stoked – we must.

Its unquenchableness - as immovable as a rock. Perhaps the phrase Many waters cannot quench love, rivers cannot sweep it away is moving to a different picture. You know the power of water to alter the landscape. When floods come or the sea is high whole chunks of land can be removed and carried off. True love is not like that. It withstands such onslaughts and like a rock in a storm it remains unmoved despite all that may be thrown at it. Here is another picture then of the true love seen in Christ that ought to be reflected in our love to him and the love that binds man and wife together in marriage.

Its preciousness – it is beyond price. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. It is part of the nature of true love that it cannot be bought. Sometimes people can be bought off. They want something badly but if you get your price right they can be bought off. True love is not like that. If you say to a true lover ‘Listen, I will give you £100 pounds, £1, 000, £10,000 if you will give up your love’ not only would the true lover refuse you – he would look at you with scorn. ‘Do you understand the first thing of what real love is all about?’ Money can’t buy me love. This explains why a wife will stay with her husband even though he is poor. It explains why neither bribery nor persecution can persuade the true believer to deny his Lord.

‘All you need is love’ was John Lennon’s famous phrase. Poetically speaking he was right, of course. However, we must understand what love is all about. Until we do chanting the phrase ‘All you need is love’ is like chanting a mere mantra. It means no more than abracadabra or rhubarb, rhubarb.

3. How should a covenant relationship of love be begun?

At this point the chorus comes in again with words in the form of a question and an answer that at first sight seem rather strange and misplaced. 8, 9 We have a little sister they would say in those days, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. This leads us on to the subject of how a covenant relationship of love begins. There are two things to note.

1. Understand the responsibility of others

1 See the need to be discerning. The friends seem to be recalling something that the Bride had often told them about. She would quote the words of her brothers when she was younger. They, it seems, were responsible for bringing her up, she presumably being an orphan. We have a little sister they would say in those days, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? Even though she was still young at the time the brothers were aware of their responsibility to find a husband for her. Cultures differ, of course, and perhaps if we were responsible for bringing up a little girl (or a boy for that matter) we might be slow to think that it was our responsibility to arrange a marriage for her. However, surely it is part of the responsibility of whoever is bringing a child up to see that they are properly prepared for marriage. We may not go to the extent of arranging a marriage as in some cultures but there is a responsibility to bring up children to be marriageable in the best sense, to delicately and appropriately teach them the facts of life (as they are usually called), to help them as best we can to meet the right sort of prospective husband or wife, etc. It may be the Lord’s will that the child we are bringing up should remain single but we don’t know that and should assume that it is most likely that they will one day marry.

Of course, there is, if anything, an even greater responsibility to see that children under our care come to trust in the Lord Jesus – that they are married to him, as it were. This responsibility extends beyond our own children to any we know who like children are ignorant and vulnerable and likely to go astray. While they are still young we must be thinking of how we can lead people to Christ.

2 See the need to act. It seems that there was some discussion among the brothers about how they should deal with this particular matter and we may want to debate things like what we tell children when and what steps we take to help them in this area, however the idea of simply leaving it to work itself out is surely wrong. One thing they were clear on was this If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. In other words, if she tends to be shy and chaste, modest and restrained in her dealings with boys then we can encourage her to show herself off to best advantage and all will be well. If, on the other hand, she proves to have a tendency to be promiscuous, if she is a bit of flirt then we will have to take steps to protect her from being taken advantage of. Girls differ in their personalities and it is incumbent on parents or guardians to get to know the children they are responsible for so that they can steer them in the right direction. ‘Dad, I’ve been invited to Jason’s party and it doesn’t finish until midnight’; ‘Mum, can I go to the ball?’; ‘Is it okay for me to go and do some studying at Darren’s house?’ I think those who are bringing up young girls will want to answer such questions in different ways depending not only on how old the child is but her personality.

Again, the same thing applies in the spiritual realm. For various reasons some are more drawn to other religions and philosophies than others. We are all different and we all struggle with different sins. Where we have responsibility towards others we therefore take great care that no-one should be led astray. For example, what books we recommend to people.

2. Face your own growing responsibility in this matter

The sort of response one would seek from a mature young girl is the one in verse 10 I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. In other words, even though I am now fast becoming a mature young woman, I am determined to be chaste and virtuous. I am a virgin and I intend to remain so until the day I marry. It is not that I am not interested in boys. Rather it is that I’m determined to wait until I marry until I become intimate with a man. By this means a young woman can win the heart of a Lover such as the one described here - Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. It could be one bringing or one receiving contentment. Literally it is Thus I the Shulamite have become in the eyes of Sholomo like one receiving/bringing Shalom. Who will want you if you are ready to go off with more or less anyone who comes along? People are looking for constancy and commitment. True love is marked by such an attitude. It is a great pity when young women get it into their heads that the way to win love and favour is by being willing to sleep with a boy before marriage. The temptation presents itself in various forms all the way from the temptation to promiscuously sleep around with just about everyone through to the temptation to give in to your fiancé and sleep with him before your wedding night. Such a sin is always a mistake. The way to give a man contentment is to be willing to wait.

In verses 11, 12 she uses a different figure to express her attitude. In verse 11 she says Solomon had a vineyard in Baal Hamon; he let out his vineyard to tenants. Each was to bring for its fruit a thousand shekels {c25 lbs/11.5 k} of silver. Then in verse 12 she speaks of herself as a vineyard But my own vineyard is mine to give. Back in 1:6 she spoke of her brothers making her take care of their vineyards causing her to neglect her won, that is herself. Perhaps they are the tenants referred to here. Certainly Solomon probably owned many vineyards. However, he did not own her. Nevertheless, she is willing to give the fruit of her vineyard (her affections, time, energy) all to him - the thousand shekels are for you, O Solomon. She adds and two hundred {c5lbs/2.3k} are for those who tend its fruit. She is not suggesting that no-one else can get a look in. She'll give each member of her family (those who brought her up) their due, but Solomon is first in her life.

So, as far as marriage is concerned young people ought to be chaste, waiting for the time when, in the Lord’s will, they find the man or woman they will marry. You have a vineyard, as it were, that is yours to give. Don’t give it away until the right time. Keep it until it is time to marry. Similarly, don’t throw your life away on empty human philosophy. Give the income from your vineyard to the owner of the vineyard not to anyone else. Be devoted to him.

4. How should a covenant relationship of love end?

In verse 13 Solomon responds warmly to her words as he speaks for the last time You who dwell in the gardens with friends in attendance, let me hear your voice! Many love to hear the voice of this sweet girl but he especially. Again and again from every direction you hear it noted how important in the marriage relationship communication is. When couples stop speaking, and especially when they stop listening, trouble is ahead. Here is a good motto for all husbands – listen to your wife! Say to her regularly let me hear your voice. On a higher plane this is how Jesus speaks to believers. Let me hear your voice. He loves for us to come to him in prayer. Remember that. He has placed us in gardens of delight (a picture of the church), he has given us friends to attend us (brothers and sisters in Christ) but he wants to hear our voice in prayer.

She in turn then responds to him by repeating the phrase (14) Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains. It is very like 2:17. The ending then is not quite what we may have expected – not the two of them together in a warm embrace but the husband listening for the wife’s voice and she calling to her husband to come away with her. It seems that he is not there at present but she is full of anticipation about their next encounter. She is looking forward to being with him forever.

This is very realistic then. Marriage is inevitably a series of meetings and partings. Eventually, there is the parting of death. Marriage is ‘Till death us do part’. However, in Christ even then there is a reunion to look forward to – a reunion of brotherly and sisterly togetherness forever in heaven. The Christian life too is a series of drawings near to God until that day when Christ comes again in glory. Then we will be with him forever and forever and there will be no parting.

In a love which cannot cease I am his and he is mine forever.