The nature of love in its maturity

Text Song of Songs 7:1-8:4 Date 11/09/22 Place Childs Hill Baptist

I want us to look again this evening at Song of Solomon. We have considered the courtship and the marriage between the two lovers in the book, the King and his beloved Shulamite. We have considered the falling out and separation that threatened the relationship in Chapter 5 and led to the beautiful reconciliation that brings us down to the end of Chapter 6.

Tonight I want us to look at 7:1-8:4 where we see the relationship between these two in its maturity. Once again, there are lessons for us to learn about a covenant relationship both on the horizontal and the vertical planes. Here we may learn both about mature married love and about a mature Christian relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. These verses are full of instruction.

1. Consider the observations and desires that characterise true and mature husbandly love

The institution of marriage continues to be under much pressure in our day. Not only has the attempt been made to obscure marriage by allowing same sex marriages but real marriages are also under pressure from all directions. It is not simply that marriages often fail to work out after a short while but in some cases there are divorces after 10, 20, even sometimes 30 years of marriage. There seems to be a widespread failure to understand that one of the great things about marriage, ideally, is that it should get better and better as it goes on. It is foolish to think that after a few years a couple has experienced all the joys there are to experience in married life. Perhaps this is one of the factors that makes the divorce rate so high – that many seem to think like this. Or it may be the other way round - may be expectation is high but realisation low. The marriage relationship is meant to be a developing, a maturing thing, a relationship of increasing and growing intimacy that gets better and better as the years go by. Sadly, it is not always like that.

Now if this is true of the marriage relationship, how much more so of the covenant relationship between the believer and his Lord, that marriage so imperfectly reflects. Conversion really is only the beginning. How much more there is in store, even before we reach heaven.

The hill of Zion yields a thousand sacred sweets

Before we reach the heavenly field or walk the golden streets.

At first sight some of the verses in Chapter 7 may seem rather familiar but if we look more carefully we will see change and development. Here we are observing the lovers at a more mature stage in their relationship – after the courtship, after the marriage, after certain setbacks and reconciliations that have strengthened the relationship. When you read the opening verses of Chapter 7 your mind immediately goes back to the description of the bride that the groom gave on their wedding night (Chapter 4). There are definite affinities, even repetitions, but also certain differences and additions. No doubt the writer is following the same pattern to help us to compare the two descriptions. We immediately notice it is a fuller and more sensual description. Things have moved on from the wedding night. Then he saw that she was perfect for him and so he gave a sevenfold description of her. Now he sees it even more so and so this time his description has ten items! This is also the same number of items found in the description she gives of him in Chapter 5. Christ enables his own to grow evermore lovely by letting them become ever more like him.

1. Consider the observations that characterise true husbandly love in its maturity

Previously he began with her face and did not go much further. Here he begins with her feet and works his way up to her hair. Perhaps the thing to note there is how as true love develops. It sees more and more things to admire. Things once considered insignificant perhaps are now seen in a better light. Solomon is here answering the question of why so much attention should be paid to the Shulamite. The description is intimate and personal but not lustful, perverted or disrespectful. He observes her

• Feet - How beautiful your sandalled feet, O prince’s daughter! Perhaps at this point the beloved is dancing or at least turning around (giving a twirl!). Hence the observation first of her sandalled feet. He uses a term of the highest respect for her - prince’s daughter. This reminds us of the exalted state of those who trust in Christ. They are not left to go barefoot but are given sandals, as it were, just as in the wilderness, God made it so that the Israelites shoes never wore out. Like the Shulamite they are nobodies by nature but they have become prince's daughters, royalty, by the grace of God.
• Legs - Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands. This follows on. He is thinking probably not only of the shapeliness of her legs but also of their movement – like a jewelled pendant swinging back and forth in time. An artist has been at work to bring this about. It is God who makes beautiful legs and he is the one who enables believers to stand and to dance with joy too, to his glory. 
• Navel - 2 Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Think here of a goblet full of wine. Whether he can see her navel or not is unclear. Perhaps it is covered. By likening it to a glass of wine he is saying she is like a satisfying drink to him. So husbands should see their wives and so Christ sees his church.
• Waist - Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. This time the picture is of wheat stacked up as it would be at harvest time and encircled with flowers. He is probably thinking of the slimness of her waist and the flowers on her dress. This time it is food then rather than drink but again there is an abundance. It speaks of the way Christ sees the church and is satisfied in it.
• Breasts – 3 Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle. This is the same phrase as in 4:5. As we said then, this is not something we would normally speak about but this is an intimate moment. He does not mean, of course, that her cleavage looked just like two four legged fawns. Rather, he is thinking of the gentleness, the softness of baby deer lying with their legs tucked under. Breasts again speak of provision and abundance.
• Neck - 4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. This may seem a strange description. He is thinking of the smoothness and the length and perhaps the whiteness of her neck. Believers, like ivory, are costly and precious to the Saviour.
• Eyes - Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Heshbon was the old Amorite capital. Her eyes are like the pools there - large, deep and clear. Eyes are often mentioned when we think of love. Christ looks into our eyes and he sees us. He looks with complacency if we are looking to him.
• Nose - Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking towards Damascus. Again this seems a little strange to our ears. Some think a very small nose is the desirable thing but he is thinking here of a straight nose not a crooked one, a strong feature. Straightness and vigilance are further qualities that the Lord looks for in us and admires when he sees.
• Head – 5 Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. As Mount Carmel dominates the north west of Canaan near the Mediterranean with grandeur, so her head caps it all. Carmel was marked by fruitfulness and it is where Elijah led that great victory over the prophets of Baal. Perhaps we should think of the way Christ looks to us to stand out for him in fruitfulness and faithfulness. When he sees that he is delighted.
• Hair - Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses. Her hair has a richness and a beauty all its own. It is silky and full of colour. He imagines himself tied down by her tresses, he is so drawn to this aspect of her beauty. A woman’s hair, as the New Testament remarks, is her glory. Note the royal reference again. We do find it hard to believe that Christ should show such an interest in us but he does. Think of how he reacted to the amazing faith of the centurion. So he seeks such virtues in us who believe. Do we remember just how highly we are regarded by Christ? We must realise how great his love for us is.

2. Consider the desires that characterise true husbandly love in its maturity

In verse 6 he sums her up How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! To God his people are Hephzibah – the Lord delights in us. Then in verse 7 he uses a picture to sum up Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. She stands tall and steady, graceful, elegant. Her breasts are like fruit, dates perhaps, growing on the palm. Fruitfulness is a common picture of productivity in the Christian life.

Then in verses 8 and 9 he uses two images to describe his desire for this woman, his wife. Firstly, he thinks of embracing and caressing her. I said, I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like clusters of the vine …. Just as a man may hug a tree in order to climb it so he pictures himself embracing his beloved intimately and coming ever nearer to her fruit. He then speaks of taking hold of her fruit – caressing her. Think of holding a lovely bunch of succulent grapes.

Secondly, he thinks of her intimate kisses. The fragrance of your breath like apples, which continues the fruit image and your mouth like the best wine. There should be a fragrance about God’s people. In our singing and speaking and in all our lives there should be something of the aroma of Christ.

And so they fall asleep, arm in arm, embracing.
2. Consider the elements that characterise a mature response to true husbandly love
Then in 7:9b-8:4 we have the Shulamite’s response to all this. How does she react? Is it ‘Not to tonight dear’ or ‘Oh you are a soppy one’? No, she responds appropriately. As he sleeps, she speaks of her love for him.

1. Mature commitment

In 9b she takes up his image of kisses being like wine in the mouth and she says May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth. Then in verse 10 we have I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. We have had similar phrases in 2:16 and 6:3. If you look at the three phrases carefully you will observe a deepening love and security.

She puts her possession of the beloved first and her possession of him second (My beloved is mine and I am his).

The second time she reverses that, suggesting a greater sense of security.

Here she reverts to putting the fact that she belongs to him first, then expresses her desire for him and does not even mention her possessing him. The word for desire is a very strong one.

How great are our desires for Christ?

2. Willing desires to see love renewed

As he wakes, she then speaks again. She has a plan. 11, 12 Come, my beloved, she says let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom - there I will give you my love. We need to get away she says. We need to spend time alone. We need to be out from all these distractions and interruptions.

This is how mature love responds then. It is not just young lovers who need time alone but those who have been married for some time. It is difficult with children, especially as they grow older and are around longer but somehow husbands and wives have to be alone together. The Ezzos’ talk of sofa time and the need for children to realise that sometimes mum and dad come first.

If this is so in marriage how much more so when it comes to intimacy with Christ. It is a struggle sometimes but with sanctified viciousness we must guard our times of being alone with the Lord to pray and read his Word. Vital.

Are we finding the time? The mention of being up early is perhaps a clue to this. Note too the idea of looking for evidence of growth. Love has to be expressed if it is real love. If we really love the Lord it will find expression. We need to find time for that – together and alone.

In verse 13 she says The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved. She has it all prepared. Mandrake plants are part of the potato family and produce sweet smelling flowers. They were also renowned for their aphrodisiac qualities. Whether that is true or not, their very mention shows that she has everything ready. I suppose today you might speak of flowers and chocolates, perhaps. The plenty and variety and the phrase new and old are very suggestive in both the horizontal and vertical spheres.

3. Eager longing for ever greater intimacy

Finally, in the opening verses of Chapter 8, she speaks of her desire for ever greater intimacy with her beloved. Things differ from culture to culture but in many middle eastern cultures even today displays of affection in public even between husbands and wives are taboo. The only people you see kissing in public are brothers and sisters. That is why here she says If only you were to me like a brother, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts! Then, if I found you outside, I would kiss you, and no-one would despise me. She wishes he was her little brother. She would like to be free to kiss him when she wished. She goes on (2) I would lead you and bring you to my mother’s house – she who has taught me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, the nectar of my pomegranates. This is another picture of great intimacy, the intimacy she longs for with him and that all husbands and wives ought to long for. Finally, in verse 3 she says His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me. There they are alone, intimately embracing, making love in complete bliss, as it should be.

3. Consider the repeated warning about the need for patience in all this

We close with 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. This repeats the warning previously found in 2:7 and 3:5. It is such a wonderful picture that we are immediately attracted and there is the danger then of so wanting such a thing that we try and bring it about immediately. However, such a thing comes only with great patience and perseverance. If you are a child you need to concentrate firstly on growing up to be a man or a woman that someone might want to marry. You don’t need to worry at all about marriage now. If you are still single and would still like to be married you know that there is no point just marrying anyone. Great care and patience is necessary. That is true especially in courtship. Even when we are married we must see that the closeness that we have seen in other couples does not come overnight. Marriage is hard work. There is a need for perseverance and persistence, for fresh starts and increasing delight and devotion.

Something similar can be said about intimacy with Christ. That does not come over night either. Growing in grace is something that again demands hard work and much patience. If we walk in the right way the Lord Jesus will increasingly delight in us. We also ought to respond with deeper and growing desires for a close walk with him. Things ought to get better and better, closer and closer.