How to comfort those in distress

Text Job 2:11-3:26 Time 07/05/00 Place Childs Hill Baptist Church
We looked last week at the beginning of the Book of Job. We saw there the portrait of a holy man, a man who was

Holy when all was going well for him, when he was rich and with his family all around him
Holy too when he lost all his riches and his children all died
Holy even when he himself was struck down with a disease that covered him with sores head to foot and his wife told him to give up and curse God.
Normally, when a person suffers we have no way of knowing for certain why it has happened. That is one of the lessons of the Book of Job. Here though, in this inspired book, we are given a peek behind the scenes and we discover that what has happened is that Satan has been allowed to attack Job and bring about this unprecedented series of disasters. Satan and God are in dispute and it affects Job. God is impressed with Job his servant, he has no-one like him. But Satan argues that Job only served God because God had made him rich. Satan argued that the moment things started going wrong, Job would curse God. But he was wrong. Job did not curse God. He was as devoted to God after his first and second lot of troubles came on him as he was at the beginning. And what a challenge he is to us! Are we the same?
Now if the book begins with a portrait we can say that the rest of the book is like a gathering of art critics who come together to discuss the portrait until at the very end God comes, takes up the brush and paints his own picture.

Firstly, we are introduced to three art critics – Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. A fourth, Elihu, appears later in the book. In their speeches (from Chapter 4) they make many mistakes but at least at the beginning they are largely a good example to us. Not very long ago we looked at Matthew 25 and the Parable of the Sheep and Goats concerning the Judgement. One of the marks of the righteous there is that they visited believers who were sick. It is part of our Christian calling to visit the sick and all who are in distress. There are many valuable lessons for us in this area here in Job 2:11-3:36.
1. Practical things to consider if you want to comfort those in distress
1. Keep informed

You need to keep yourself informed about the needs of others. Job’s three friends, though they must have lived away from him, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him. We do not know how they heard but they did. If we do not know that others are in distress we won’t be able to do anything to help them. How often do we hear the phrase ‘Oh if only I had known! If only I had realised what trouble you were in.’ We need to inquire seriously about one another’s needs. We need to be sensitive to little tell-tale signs. On the broader front, we need to keep ourselves informed about needs among God’s people in other places. Where there is trouble and distress, where there is need. Are we doing that?
2. Visit

You need to make the effort to go and see those who are in distress. They set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathise with him and comfort him. Visiting a needy person is not always an option. When we read about fellow believers suffering because of war or famine or persecution very few of us will be able to go and see those people, although some, suitably gifted, need to go and help. Our duty there is to pray and support in other ways. But with people we know personally, we must do what we can to visit. Hospital visiting, going to see those who have suffered a set back or who are feeling low for some other reason – these are part of our duty if we are true believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. Knowing of our great need God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son to visit this world and save it. In the Old Testament we often read also of God visiting this world in its sin and need. He himself is our example. See James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after (or visit) orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
3. Go with others

If possible, it is best to go along with others. They … met together by agreement to go …. This is a little point but a practical one. Two are better than one … a three cord strand is not easily broken. Sometimes we find it difficult to go alone but are happy to accompany someone else. Obviously there is a practical limit on numbers but two or three is good. It is usually the older ones who should take the lead in organising this. Job’s three friends are listed as Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite. Eliphaz speaks first and most and is probably the eldest.
4. Be prepared to be shocked

In 2:12 we read When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognise him. That’s how disfigured Job was. It must have been a shock to them to see him in such a state. I remember when I was 15 my dad had neuralgia in his face and had to have an operation. I never forget visiting him in hospital and seeing him – with the operation scar, his head shaved, etc. What a shock! I had rarely seen him even lying down! Be as prepared as you can. Be prepared to see anything, hear anything. Part of the ministry is learning not to be shocked (in the right sense) at what people have done or at happens to them.
2. Why you should visit those in distress
1. Go to sympathise

These three friends meet to go and sympathise with him …. The word used is one meaning "to shake with grief". They wanted to go to Job and share with him in his grief. We must be willing to sympathise too. You remember how Paul says the church is like a body. When you bang your thumb with a hammer it’s not just your thumb that is affected. The whole body is in sympathy. So there should be sympathy among us. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
2. Go to comfort

… And comfort him. The word here is one referring to sorrow, regret. They came in sorrow, eager to comfort and encourage Job. It is in that spirit we ought to go to others. God has given us the Great Comforter, the Holy Spirit, and if we are filled with the Spirit we will want to comfort our fellow believers in their troubles.
3. Go to show your grief
1 Express your shock and sorrow

They began to weep aloud. We should not afraid to weep at the needs of others. More shame when we don’t weep. There is a streak of Stoicism in the English psyche that is not good. It is a help to the needy to know we are shocked and saddened too – it is not a hindrance.
2 Express your brokenheartedness and distress

And they tore their robes. This was the custom then and for thousands of years after in that part of the world. It is not our custom but there are ways of showing that we are distressed at a tragedy. We must not be afraid of showing it.
3 Express your grief and sympathy

And sprinkled dust on their heads. Again this is cultural and we cannot be sure of the point but it was certainly an expression of sympathy and of grief. We must find appropriate ways of expressing ours too.
3. What to do when you go to comfort those in distress
No-one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
1. Give it time

In 2:13 we read Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. It has often been said that this was the best thing Job’s three friends did in all the time they were with him. It was once they started talking that they went wrong. There is a lot of truth in this. Certainly it is not enough simply to visit and to show sympathy. Perhaps you have known this experience – where you have been ill and someone has visited with good intentions but they have left you feeling worse than when they came. It is a danger. Here the point is that we need to give things time. We should not suppose one visit is going to put everything right. In some cases we are going to be visiting day after day or week after week, even month after month. We must give things time, therefore. It is often said that when disaster strikes the greatest needs are not immediately after but in the months that follow. We ought to bear that in mind.
2. Don’t be afraid to be silent

No-one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. This was a different time and a different culture to ours – sitting in silence for seven days is not something that would happen today. We should not be afraid of some silence, however. It is appropriate at times and we ought to learn to feel at ease with it. Silence can help us to express our sympathy, our horror at what has happened. It also allows time for reflection. A silence does not have to be an awkward silence. Some of us are too quick to rush in with words of advice when we need to be silent first. We must take time to weep with those that weep.
3. Don’t be silent too long

On the other hand, I think it is right to say that they remained silent too long and it created a strain. There are awkward silences. Silence can become deafening in its intensity. We know too that what the friends were thinking in the silence was that Job must have sinned to have this trouble come on him. That was totally wrong.
4. Be prepared to listen

We should also add this. Proverbs 18:13 says He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame. Job is the first to speak here (Chapter 3). In that chapter he reveals a good deal about how he felt. Up until that point we do not realise what a strain it has been for him and how his faith has reacted. We have his wonderful words at the end of Chapters 1 and 2 but that is not the whole story. That is what he said in public, as it were, but in private there was more to add. Not that Job was a hypocrite at all – but there was another side. The end of Jeremiah 20 is similar.
4. Things to remember when you go to comfort those in distress
1. Remember your ignorance

We have made this point but let us underline it here. What the three friends never say is ‘Job we are so sorry about your suffering. We do not know why it is happening any more than you do.’ If only they had said that! If only they had admitted their ignorance! But they never do. We know why Job is suffering, of course, because it is supernaturally revealed right at the beginning. Now there may be times when, for ourselves, we come to fairly clear convictions about why we are suffering some particular trouble – although we can seldom be dogmatic. Some Christians needlessly beat themselves up with the thought that a certain thing has happened because they did this wrong thing or that wrong thing. We should take care. Certainly with others we should be very slow indeed to pronounce why they are suffering. We are in a great deal of ignorance and we will not know why. Let’s remember that.
2. Do not jump to conclusions

The three friends are convinced that they know why Job is suffering. But they are quite wrong. Their diagnosis completely misses the mark and so adds to Job’s suffering rather than helping him. It is too easy to come up with a theory of why a person is in trouble and how it can be put right. That approach often makes things worse not better.
3. Consider the sources of distress

One thing we ought to give thought to is the nature of the suffering of an individual. The sources of their distress can be many. For instance here Job was suffering because of
1 The tragedy itself

He had lost his wealth, his dear children and he was in agony from this dreadful disease.
2 The multiplication of tragedy

It was not just one thing but a series of things. Often we feel we could cope if it was only this or that but it is the combination that defeats us. Let’s remember that when we seek to help each other.
3 The bad reaction of those so near

No doubt what added to Job’s distress was the reaction of his wife. When those nearest to us let us down badly, it greatly adds to the suffering we face.
4 The continuing pain and devastation

Job’s suffering had not come to an end at this point. He was still suffering physically. He was still in poverty. He missed his children every day. In this life suffering often does not go away. Rather, we learn to live with it. It is only in heaven that believers are completely delivered from all their troubles.
5 The isolation and rejection

In 2:8 it says Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes. Job sat on the ash heap outside the town. It is symbolic of his isolation and rejection. It points us forward to the Lord Jesus Christ, of course, who was crucified outside the camp there on Golgotha. Part of our suffering as Christians is to feel isolated and rejected. It gives us an insight into what he suffered. When we seek to help those who suffer we must remember this element in their suffering.
4. Seek to understand and sympathise not to give a cold diagnosis

As we have said, the friends’ analysis of Job’s situation was way off the mark. Not only that but they seem to have completely misunderstood him. We are in danger of doing the same thing if we are not careful. When I was in LTS we had to do Summer project between the two years. No doubt for me what to do – suffering. This was the thing I felt least able to handle in a pastorate. One reason for this was that I had never really suffered. I learned in that summer and beyond about suffering - through both study and experience. If we have never experienced great suffering we need to be especially slow to diagnose, even otherwise we must seek first to understand.
5. Don’t be surprised at what those who suffer say

Job 3 comes perhaps as a bit of a disappointment when Job has been doing so well. In it Job wishes
He had never been born (1-10) or he had died just after birth (11-15) or he had died while still in the womb (16-19) or he could die right then and there (20-26). It is very disappointing when Christians suffer and they say things that are not what we hope. We need to be ready for such disappointments and remember the following.
1 They may be demoralised, devastated but you are there to comfort

Tell them not to be surprised at how bad they feel. Let me warn you all how bad it is possible to feel. We see it with Jeremiah; we see it with Elijah after Carmel. Here it is Job who has no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, he says but only turmoil. People, even the best of them, can feel very low. Sometimes a gentle reminder not to be surprised can be a help.
2 They may say the wrong thing but do not be judgmental

It would be very easy to condemn Job for his words here. It does not begin to compare with the faith expressed in his previous statements. We have all said things we regret, things we wish we had never said. When we are low, we are especially liable to speak like Job. Let us take care. And if we hear others saying things best left unsaid let us be ready to forgive them and to overlook it. Probably with a statement like this it is best not to answer it.
3 They may ask many questions

Job 3 is full of questions - (11, 12) Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? Why were there knees to receive me and breasts that I might be nursed? (16) Or why was I not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, like an infant who never saw the light of day? (20-23) Why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul, to those who long for death that does not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure, who are filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave? Why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in?
We ought to encourage those who suffer not to ask too many questions. There are some questions that will not be answered in this world. When we are depressed it is especially not good to ask questions. We are not thinking straight and we simply go round in circles with our questions. Even here where there are answers we are not in a fit state to receive them.
4 They may not want to live any longer

Understand why. This chapter helps us to understand the thoughts of those who suffer and who long for death. It seems the only way out of bodily pain and the agony of loss. We do not agree with the euthanasia lobby but we must be able to sympathise with those who feel death is the only way out.
5 Look for the good in their reaction

As we have said, it would be easy to condemn Job but there are good things to say here.
He does not curse God. He has not reacted as Satan said he would. He holds on to his faith. That is a great thing when someone is suffering. Many take the attitude of Job’s wife.
He was not considering suicide. He wanted to die but there is no hint he even thought of taking his own life. Self murder is a sin. It is not an unforgivable sin but it is a sin to be avoided. We should never think of it. Job does not here.
He was praying. It is not great praying but it is prayer to God. We must tell God exactly how we feel. Sometimes we will say things we ought not to – but God knows our thoughts any way. While a person is still praying there is hope.
5. Comforting things to share with those in distress
Job asks (23) Why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in? Many ask such questions and we need to be able to help them. Sometimes we can turn to
This passage. Sometimes it would be appropriate.
Or other similar passages. Jeremiah 20, The Psalms, 2 Corinthians 13, etc.
The sufferings of Christ. Especially to these. This is one of the keys. He too suffered and so is able to fully sympathise with his children. His suffering was with a good purpose and we can be sure ours is too in him. This is the key to it all.
Life is given us by the kindness of God so that we may live for his glory.